Sea of Lovers and Abnegation
by WonderlandLost
Summary: Kyle wakes up from a coma to find that everything he loved about his old life has completely changed... can he convince Stan to love again? Or will Stan be taken over by the denial that has haunted his life?
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: So I got this idea for a story at about 2 o'clock in the morning that was originally going to be a one-shot, but I just got so many exciting ideas and decided to make this a full story. I should be updating regularly and if you could leave a review on how you think the story is so far that would be extremely helpful. This is just a prologue which should hopefully set up the story and give you an idea of where it might be heading. Enjoy. :-)**

* * *

"Stanley, we're back from the movies. Are you boys okay-" Randy says as he typically walks through Stan's bedroom door without even thinking to knock. He comes to a standstill when his eyes settle onto the bed of his sixteen year old son. Lying there together, naked and equally as stunned as Randy are Stan and Kyle. Stan is laid on top of the Kyle in a missionary position with only his bed sheet protecting his modesty.

"Dad!" Stan shouts with genuine shock and embarrassment as he instinctively leaps backwards away from Kyle and off of the bed, taking the bed sheet with him and inadvertently revealing a vulnerable Kyle to a horrifyingly motionless Randy. Kyle quickly dashes from the bed, making a quick attempt to dress himself with his clothes that were carelessly thrown onto Stan's bedroom floor less than an hour earlier. Kyle looks over to Stan with panic in his eyes, who is stood in the corner of his room covering his pride with the sheet that he had dragged away from his secret lover. His eyes are wide and petrified; looking straight at his Father, not knowing what to say or how to react to Randy's unexpected and abrupt intrusion. Randy's eyes aren't focused on anything in particular; it's as if his mind has switched off completely. He seems neither shocked or angry... in fact, his face doesn't seem to be showing any emotion at all. Which is bad.

"Dad?" Stan says in a much calmer and collected tone. Randy is still stood in the bedroom doorway, staring at that one spot of nothingness that has gained his full attention. Stan takes light steps towards Randy, not wanting to scare him off like a deer in the headlights. Stan has thought many times about how he could come out to his Father. He's considered texting him, getting Sharon to tell Randy for him (although that would require Stan coming out to his Mother too) or even just pointblank telling his Father "Dad, I'm gay." but he never imagined anything like this. And he certainly wasn't ready yet for his Dad to know. He'd barely accepted the fact that he was gay for Kyle himself.

Stan thinks that the fact that Randy hasn't gone completely unhinged is a sign that maybe he won't be that mad at all. Hell, he might not even be surprised. Stan imagines Randy taking him into his arms, the two crying as he tells Stan how proud he is of him for telling the truth while Kyle proudly watches in the background, wiping happy tears from his eyes. But this dream is soon destroyed when Stan takes another step towards his Father, and he jumps back in shock when he sees that Randy has now turned his attention to Kyle. And Stan knows in that moment that he made the biggest mistake of his life in ever thinking that his sexuality is something his Father would accept with an open heart.

"You-" Randy whispers in a chilling tone, "You sodomized my son... my only son."

"What?!" Stan shouts in disbelief, "Dad, no-"

"You fucking fag!" Randy screams at a terrified Kyle, inching closer to the red-head who is backing away towards the bedroom window, looking like he may attempt the two-story jump. "I'm going to rip your goddamn head off!" he shouts as he lunges for Kyle. He grabs the boy by the shoulders and violently shoves him down to the floor. Kyle can only scream in horror as the middle aged man hits him directly in the chest. Kyle yells in agonizing pain as he feels the crack in one of his ribs. He tries desperately to shout for Stan to help but just as he opens his mouth he feels another unstoppable punch landing directly in between his nose and his mouth. Blood flows from his nose in a worryingly fast stream.

"Dad what the fuck are you doing?!" Stan yells, pulling his Father back and shoving him against the wall. Stan is stunned when he sees his Father is throwing punches at him too, his own son. Stan's quick reflexes allow him to dodge most of the strikes and Randy's fist smashes straight into the wall, leaving a huge dent where his fist had been. Randy screams in pain, running out of the room and shouting for Sharon, who is probably downstairs watching the television, blissfully unaware of the home wrecking events unfolding upstairs.

"Holy shit!" Stan shouts, pacing up and down the room. "Holy shit, Kyle. What the fuck just happened?!" he asks, looking over to his boyfriend, who is cradling his legs to his chest, rocking slightly as blood flows from his nose. "Fuck." Stan whispers mostly to himself as his runs and kneels next to Kyle. "Your nose is fucked up pretty bad dude, we've got to get you to a hospital."

"No-no!" Kyle says, shoving Stan's hand out of the way when he tries to comfort Kyle. "I think- I think I just want to go home." he says shakedly as he stands up, small tears falling from his eyes.

"Okay." Stan says with a sigh of defeat, too tired and distressed to argue with him. Kyle is stubborn at the best of times, so Stan knows that fighting with him about getting him some help would just be pointless. Besides, when Sheila sees Kyle she'll literally tie him down and force him to go if she has to; she's certainly more frightening than Stan. "Just- just let me get my coat." he says as he walks over to his closet.

"Stan, stop." Kyle says, stopping Stan in my tracks as he brings his hand to Stan's left cheek, gently wiping away the raven-haired boy's tears with his thumb. "I'll go by myself... I need some time to think."

"Are you sure?" Stan asks, "I mean, no offense dude but you don't exactly look fit to drive right now."

"Stan, he broke my nose not my legs." Kyle says with a soft laugh, instantly regretting saying anything as soon as he sees the hurt spread across Stan's face. Kyle kisses him apologetically. "I've gotta go... I love you." Kyle says in an almost questionable tone, unsure whether these events will have damaged the sacred bond shared between the two boys.

Stan smiles sadly, giving Kyle another kiss as he says "I love you too, dude."

When Kyle has managed to escape Stan's house without running into Randy again, he gets into his cheap car and just sits there for a while with his hands on the steering wheel. He is unable to contemplate what has just happened and what it means for the future; for Stan and Kyle's future. _Randy knows now_, which means pretty soon everyone will know. There is a strong snow storm outside and Kyle giggles manically to himself as he realizes he really is in no state to drive through these conditions. Even so, he starts the car and heads off onto the road. His nose is still bleeding, although a lot less than it was before. Kyle smiles to himself as he remembers the declaration of love that he and Stan shared just a few moments ago. They've never really told each other how they feel before. Maybe what happened was for the best. Maybe, just maybe... it was a good thing. Kyle is so distracted by this possible revelation that he doesn't even feel his car swerving from his side of the road and into oncoming traffic until it's too late. Blinding headlights and a loud, ear-bleeding horn are the last thing Kyle remembers before it all goes black.


	2. Since You've Been Asleep

**Author's Note: Hey guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it does get dark but don't worry, I do plan to have some humor in the story! It was a lot of fun to write and I hope you guys enjoy it. Please leave a review letting me know what you think, reviews negative or not are a lot more helpful than some people think! I'll update as soon as possible, enjoy. :-)**

* * *

When Kyle slowly opens his eyes it feels like a giant weight is being pressed down onto his body, making every nook and cranny of his slim figure feel numb. His immediate thought is that he must've passed out at a house party -probably Clyde's, he seems to have one every weekend- and after having one too many cans of whatever the hell Kenny had been forcing down his throat, Cartman thought it would be funny to sit on Kyle until he either suffocated or was crushed to death. His eyes take their time to focus; all of the dim lights in front of him look like they're blending into one puke-colored shade of brown. It's night time. Kyle knows this from the soft draft that is waving over his arms, giving him the goosebumps. It's the type of draft that seems to only truly be felt at night... the type that sweeps you up and let's you know that the moon is watching over you. Someone must have left a window open.

Once the colors stop spinning in front of Kyle's eyes his vision starts to adjust, revealing to him some clues about where he could be. It's not Clyde's house, that's for sure. It's hard to tell in the darkness, but Kyle can just about see the white walls that are surrounding him, and when he looks to his left he finds the source of the draft; a window has been irresponsibly left wide open, revealing a pitch black sky on the other end. He'd get up and close the window, but he's actually kind of enjoying the sensation of the coldness on his skin, which is strange, because he's felt the cold many times. So why should it feel so significant now? He feels like he's spent the past millennium trapped in an air-tight box, alienated from all of the elements, and only now has he been given the key to freedom... only now can he leave the box and feel the breeze of the wind again. His body is still plagued with the numbness that he had felt when he first woke up, but he somehow manages with a struggle to sit up and rub the sleep from his eyes. When he opens them again, he's shocked and disturbed to see an IV drip in his arm, and it is only now that he realizes that he is sat on a white and uncomfortably springy bed.

_Beep... beep... beep..._

Kyle jumps slightly at the sudden noise coming from his right. His fears are soon confirmed when he sees the source of the noise; a heart monitor. That's it then... he's in a hospital. No doubt about it. But why? And how long has he been here?

He is about to attempt to climb out of the bed when he hears the door next to the heart monitor slowly open. Like a child playing video games at midnight before his Mother walks in, Kyle quickly moves back into his original sleeping position and closes his eyes tightly; not entirely sure why he feels the need to pretend to be asleep. He listens out for whoever has entered the room attentively, trying to breathe as quietly as possible. He hears the sound of a sensible shoes lightly walking around the bed, and when Kyle instinctively opens his eyes ever-so-slightly, he sees a nurse with her back turned to him, writing on a clipboard and checking his heart monitor or doing something else nurse related.

Kyle opens his eyes properly and prepares to speak, hesitating slightly before opening his mouth and saying in a frail and raspy voice, "Excuse me, nurse?"

Kyle used to believe that the saying, _"you scared the life out of me" _was a complete exaggeration until a few moments ago. All he had to say were those three words and the poor nurse nearly jumped straight out of her skin. She quickly turns around to look at Kyle, before backing away and leaning against the wall, her jaw drops and eyes widen, as if Kyle's presence had somehow shocked her. She did work here, right? Kyle didn't have the misfortune of waking up in a hospital the day some crazy nurse-dressing murderer decided to show up, right?! He looks down at her name badge:

_Dr. Clara Mephesto, Hells Pass Hospital._

Kyle feels somewhat red-faced for assuming this woman was a nurse and not a Doctor, but there are more urgent things on Kyle's mind right now than the stereotype's of a working woman. He makes a mental note to apologize to her later for calling her a nurse.

"Uh..." Kyle begins, clearing his throat with a cough, "I'm sorry if I scared you... Dr. Mephesto? I was just wondering if maybe you could tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"How do you know my name?" she asks in an accusing tone, or maybe that's just her English accent.

"It's, uh..." Kyle says awkwardly, "It's just- I um- read it..." Kyle can feel the confusion pouring from this so-called-doctor's face, he scratches the back of his head while mumbling, "I read it... on your name badge."

"My name badge- OH!" she says a bit too enthusiastically, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just- I can't believe what I'm seeing. You're actually awake, Kyle. And talking!" She gushes with a friendly smile, showing her two noticeable dimples on each cheek. She's young, must be no older than 25, and she has long and wavy brunette hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Well..." Kyle says, "to be honest with you, Dr. Mephesto-"

"Clara." she adds with another friendly smile, when Kyle looks at her bewildered, she adds, "sorry it's just people call me Clara... Dr. Simeon says it's unprofessional to call a Doctor by their first name but I think I've known you long enough to be on a first name basis!"

"Right, uh... Clara." he hesitates, before picking up from where he left off, "I'm not exactly sure how to feel, this is all just so fucked up. I have so many questions."

"That's completely normal." She says, pulling up a chair next to the bed, "Although first of all I _should_ tell you the basics of your condition..." Kyle doesn't like where this is going already, and he's beginning to find her personality a bit too pretentious, but he let's it slip."What I'm about to tell you is going to shock, confuse and _possibly _anger you. So just... prepare yourself, okay? Okay. Oh- and don't be afraid to cry, it's completely normal for patients to feel overwhelmed with emotion, and I won't tell anybody." she says that last part in a quick whisper, "I promise."

Kyle doesn't know what to say, his mouth has dried up and he can feel sweat dripping from his forehead, he simply nods in reply to Clara. He's totally prepared for the worst. Maybe he was abducted by aliens and given an anal probe like they did to Cartman, and he was found in a forest, laid in a humiliating position with his trousers at his ankles. _Or _maybe he was crushed by the Mecha-Streisand just like Pip. Or... maybe not.

"Kyle..." she says with a sigh, and Kyle can see the personality in her eyes change completely from slightly pretentious, idiotic Doctor to utterly professional and very serious Doctor. "I'm sorry to tell you this but... you were involved in a very serious car accident. It seems that your car swerved on the icy roads and had a head-on collision with another vehicle. Now from what we can tell you haven't sustained any long-term injuries, although you may find that you have trouble with your memory for the next couple of days and- oh Kyle!" she says, hurrying over to a nearby table to get some tissues when she sees tears forming in Kyle's eyes, he certainly wasn't prepared for this kind of news, maybe the Mecha-Streisand theory was a bit far-fetched, but this is just in a completely different league of fucked up scenarios that get Kyle in the hospital.

"Thank you." he says, taking a tissue and wiping his eyes, "Is that all or-"

"There's... something else too, Kyle." she adds, taking a deep breath before saying, "when you were retrieved from the wreckage, for some reason your body just- sort of- shut down, and... it put you into a coma."

"Okay." Kyle nods, sniffing. He had guessed the coma part for himself. "I mean, yeah- I guess it could have been a lot worse. I'm still alive. So how long was I out? Shit, I hope I haven't missed too much, I mean I'm falling behind on school work as it is-"

"Kyle." Clara says with a serious tone. "You've been in a coma for the past two years."

* * *

It takes at least an hour for Kyle to control himself after being given the information that he has missed two years of his life. Two years that he'll never get back. During that hour, Clara went away to make some phone calls, and she had just informed him that his family are on their way. Kyle doesn't know exactly how to feel about this; he's missed so much in his life and theirs. Sheila could have started at least five separate wars against prime-time TV while he's been in a coma, Ike has probably grown twice his size since Kyle last saw him, and his Father, well... let's just say if his Dad walked in the room looking like a dolphin, Kyle wouldn't exactly be surprised. Kyle thinks about Stan, about how many times he has probably visited Kyle while he was comatose; begging for him to wake up, telling him about all the disgusting things that Cartman made Kenny eat off of the ground, and whispering in his ear all of the things that only they can share with each other. All the darkest secrets and untouchable moments. Stan will be 18 now, they all will... even Kyle. But Kyle doesn't feel any older than he was before, with the exception of one particular part of Kyle's anatomy which is noticeably bulgier than it was back then.

The strong smell of expensive perfume hits Kyle like a tsunami of fragrances, telling him that it is only a matter of time before his Mother comes running through that door. He sits up in his bed, taking deep breaths and preparing himself for the smothering of love and attention that he'll have to sustain. Clara is about to leave the room, carrying with her a clipboard that she's been silently scribbling on for the past half an hour.

"You're can't leave now!" Kyle shouts, he sounds pathetic but he's feeling pretty desperate right now, "I'm not- I'm not sure I can face them by myself."

Clara smiles sympathetically, "Kyle, I'm afraid I've got to go, I'm needed elsewhere. Besides you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure you'll be fine!"

"Have you _met_ my Mother?!" Kyle asks.

"Oh, many times actually!" she replies, and Kyle can see the fake smile that she has suddenly forced onto her face, "She and the rest of your family visit you all the time! She's very- uh... very-"

"Enthusiastic?"

"Enthusiastic, yes!" she says, "She's very enthusiastic about your- ah..."

"Well-being?"

"Well-being, of course! She's _very _enthusiastic about your well-being!" When Kyle raises his eyebrows in doubt at Clara, she simply rolls her eyes with a smile, giving a small wave as she heads for the door again, "Good luck. If you need me just get someone to call reception."

"Thanks Clara. I'll be sure to give you a shout-out on my epitaph if I'm choked to death with love."

Once Clara has left the room, Kyle lays back down on the bed, he looks up at the ceiling and wishes that he had a fast-forward button, so that he could skip all the melodramatics with his family and get to the part where he sees Stan again. He wonders if they'll cry when they see each other; Stan running to Kyle and taking him into his arms, the two kiss passionately as Stan tells Kyle how much he loves him. Deeming this as extremely unlikely, Kyle thinks back to the night of the crash. It's all a blurred-mess in the maze that is Kyle's mind. What exactly happened to cause the accident? Well, he and Stan had been fooling around in his bed, he remembers that much. Kyle feels a light blush spread across his face, happy that this is one of the memories that his brain has allowed him to keep. But wait... something happened after that... someone had walked in on them. _Randy. _Kyle jolts back up in the bed in pure horror. Randy was there, he saw the whole thing. What if he told someone? What if he told Kyle's parents? It's not like Kyle can just say to his Mother, "Oh it's nice being back from a coma and all, by the way... do you happen to know that I'm gay for Stan's dick yet?" He'll have to see if she says anything to him to indicate that Randy has told her. He's not sure how she'd feel about his sexuality, though he's suspected for a long time that she already knows.

The door next to the heart monitor opens with a crash, giving Kyle no time to pretend to be asleep. When Kyle looks over expecting to see his Mother, he is shocked to see a boy stood in the doorway. Just before Kyle can ask the boy to leave, he realizes that he isn't just some boy at all, it's Ike! He's a little taller than before, and his facial features are a lot more defined, but it's definitely him.

"Ike?" Kyle asks, feeling very emotional all of a sudden, though he's already made a promise to himself not to cry again for the rest of this night.

"Kyle!" he shouts, Kyle is a little surprised at how deep Ike's voice has gotten. Typical, he's only 12 years old but he already has a deeper voice than Kyle. Ike runs over to the bed and throws his arms around his brother, holding him in a tight and loving embrace. Kyle is certain that Ike is crying on his shoulder, though he doesn't mention it, he knows it will only embarrass the kid.

"Okay..." Kyle says, awkwardly patting his brother on the back. He's totally amazed by how Ike is behaving, they were always close but they've never really hugged before, or had any kind of physical contact. "So I take it that you're pleased to see me?"

"Of course I am!" Ike says with a sniff, sounding slightly offended, even though he's still hugging Kyle. "You're my big brother, of course I've missed you. And the _real _you, I mean. Not the rock that's been laid in this bed for the past two years... no offence."

"None taken."

Kyle feels a tear fall from his own eyes, but he can't let his little brother know that he is crying with emotion too, so he plays it off as a tear of pain, "Ike... you're crushing me a bit here, could you give me a little space?" he asks, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Oh, sorry." Ike mutters, letting go of Kyle and instead opting to sit next to his big brother on the bed, "So... what was it like being in a coma?"

"Well..." Kyle begins, he hasn't really thought about what it was like actually being in the coma itself, and it is only now that he realizes that he hadn't felt anything at all during those noiseless two years; it wasn't even like sleeping, it was like his whole body was on standby; everything but his brain had been turned off, waiting patiently to be turned back on again. Before Kyle has a chance to respond to Ike, he hears the doors open for a second time, this time a lot quieter and less forceful. When Kyle looks over he sees his Mother walk into the room and stop to examine him from afar. She looks thin, too thin. And her red hair is starting to fade, showing the first signs of gray. Kyle tries desperately to read her eyes, but they just show pain and exhaustion, with two noticeable bags under each of the eyes. However, they soon lighten up when she makes eye contact with her son, they then begin to glisten with the tears that have begun to fall down her face.

"Hi Mom." Kyle asks, pointlessly trying to stop himself from crying too but failing miserably. "It's me, Kyle."

"Oh, Kyle!" she expresses.

And that's all it takes for the two to shamelessly burst into tears of mixed emotion. Sheila runs faster to him than Kyle has ever seen her run in her life as she smothers Kyle with the love that he was oh-so-ready to hate, but in all honesty he's never been so happy in his life. Only now does he feel like he's been away for so long. Only now after seeing the pain in his Mother's eyes and the hope springing right back into them can he appreciate how fragile a thing life can be.

* * *

They then spend some time after the reunion talking about the things that Kyle has missed. Apparently Kenny and Butters are a thing. Like, literally a thing. Sheila was telling Kyle how she saw them walking down a street together holding hands and she nearly fainted. This tells Kyle that she doesn't yet know about what he and Stan had been getting up to before the crash, otherwise she would have been a little more discrete about how shocked she was at the concept of homosexuality in South Park. She didn't exactly say that Kenny and Butters being gay was a bad thing, but then she didn't sound thrilled with the concept either.

"Where's Dad?" Kyle asks.

"Oi bubby, your Father couldn't get the time off of work, but he sends his best wishes!" Sheila says in an exhausted tone.

"Oh." Kyle sighs, with Ike fast asleep next to him on the bed and Sheila rearranging all of the 'Get Well Soon' cards on the coffee table in the corner of the small room. Kyle barely had time to notice the cards himself when he first woke up. But since his Mother came to see him he's had a chance to read them all. He has received a card from near-enough everyone who lives in South Park: from Big Gay Al to Jimmy... even Cartman sent one! The message wasn't exactly inspiring nor was it thought-provoking. It said something along the lines of:

_Whaddup Jew,_

_I hear you were in a pretty brutal car crash, that sucks. Hopefully you'll have some pretty badass scars though. You need some anyway, it'll help toughen up your imagine a bit, cos right now you kind of look like a pussy._

_Oh, and get well soon I guess..._

_From the Coon._

Although all the cards and messages were lovely; some even brought tears to Kyle's eyes... there was one card that was missing from the coffee table.

"Hey Mom?" Kyle asks.

"Yes bubby?"

"Did Stan visit me while I was... away?" he mumbles, "I was only asking because I couldn't find a card from him. Like, did he visit at all?"

Sheila stops arranging the cards and sighs, moving over to sit on the unoccupied side of the hospital bed. She spends a moment simply looking at Kyle, with an expression that says that she still can't quite believe that Kyle is even talking to her at all. She lifts her hand and moves a bit of Kyle's red hair away from his eyes. She's keeping something from Kyle, and Kyle can tell from her expression that she's having something of an inner-conflict deciding whether to tell him or not.

"Kyle, there's something that you should know about Stan. I'm assuming that Dr. Mephesto hasn't told you?"

"Told me what?" Kyle asks, starting to panic, "is there something wrong with Stan?"

Sheila opens her mouth to speak, but just at that moment the door opens for the third time tonight. Kyle doesn't even look, nothing anyone at the other end of that door has anything to say that is more important than what his Mother was about to tell him. Kyle has his eyes set firmly on his Mother, waiting for her to tell him what is wrong with Stan. But she quickly turns away from his gaze and towards the door. Her face brightens up the moment she's turns.

"Wendy, dear!" she exclaims, "how nice of you to visit."

"Hello, Mrs Broflovski."

Kyle immediately turns towards the familiar voice, and is somewhat baffled to see Wendy stood in the doorway, looking equally as awkward and out-of-place as Kyle must look right now. He wants to get up and greet her properly, but he's still getting used to having working legs for the first time in two years. Instead, he just stares at her. He smiles a little bit when he sees how well Wendy seems. Admittedly, she looks good. She's put on a few much-needed pounds since Kyle last saw her, and her shiny, black hair is even longer than it was before. When Wendy sees that Kyle is awake and fully aware of her presence, she gives an awkward little wave.

"Hey, Kyle." she say with a bright smile, showing off her set of white teeth in the process.

"Hey Wendy," Kyle utters, completely astonished to see that his childhood friend has come to visit him so late at night, when Kyle thinks about this scenario even more, it does seem suspicious. "No offense, Wendy... but what exactly are you doing here so late?"

"_Kyle Broflovski_!" Sheila snaps at her son. Wendy didn't seemed phased at the comment, or at least maybe she's better at hiding her annoyance than Sheila is.

"What?" Kyle asks his Mother, "It's just that visiting times don't start until 10 in the morning, and it's only... what? Three in the morning?"

"I know I've come at an extremely inappropriate time, it's just..." Wendy says, stopping and hesitating, as if contemplating whether she should say what is on the tip of her tongue, "I've... brought someone with me who wants to see you, Kyle."

And with that Wendy steps out of the way and Kyle feels his heart drop. Before this person who Wendy has brought even so much as walks through the door Kyle knows exactly who it is. Stan. But why did he decide to come so late? And why did he bring Wendy with him? Surely he can drive now, so why does she need to be here? It's not like Kyle doesn't like Wendy, because he does! It's just that there have been many times in Kyle's life when Wendy has inadvertently come between himself and Stan. And now she's doing it again; the day Kyle wakes up from a coma of all days! But he completely forgets about Wendy when Stan actually does walk through the door. While Sheila and Wendy have both walked in looking tired and frail, Stan looks absolutely perfect, he may even be more handsome than Kyle remembers. All the years of playing football have certainly paid off, giving his arms some tone. And his hair still has that long, boyish quality that made Kyle fall in love with him. But when Stan and Kyle look at each other for the first time in two years, Kyle sees something hidden behind Stan's eyes; A pain that Kyle can't recognize, and only when Stan looks at Kyle does that pain seem to escalate. Whatever is wrong with Stan must be what Sheila was about to tell Kyle before Wendy interrupted them.

For a moment Stan and Kyle stay completely still, still locked into each other's eyes, trying to read each other's thoughts through their facial expressions like they could when they were children. But Kyle can't read anything from Stan, it's like he's a complete stranger.

"I..." Stan says, speaking for the first time since he got here. "I can't do this..." he states, speaking more to Wendy than he is to anyone else in the room, which breaks Kyle's heart. "I thought I could Wendy, but I can't!" he shouts, looking more and more uncomfortable with every passing second. "I'm sorry." he finally says, before running out of the room and away from sight.

"Stan, wait!" Wendy shouts, chasing after him.

Kyle feels like someone has removed his heart and thrown it down onto the cold, hard ground. Repeatedly stomping on it until it is nothing but a ghost of it's former self. He's feeling a pain inside of him that is so intense that he thinks it may put him back into the coma, only this time he'll be in that coma for the rest of his days. Sheila sighs, like she isn't even surprised at Stan's dramatic exit.

"Mom, what the fuck was that?" Kyle says, not even concerned that he just cursed in front of his Mother, "Mom, what's wrong with Stan? Why are you so afraid to tell me?!"

"Kyle." she says gravely, she's avoiding Kyle's gaze, "There's something that you need to know... about the crash."

"Tell me..." Kyle says, growing more and more impatient with every second. "Tell me, Mom!"

"Sweetheart..." Sheila whispers, turning to her son and holding his hand, trying to comfort the blow that is about to hit Kyle with great force. "When you crashed your car, Stan-"

"Excuse me?" a nurse says, knocking on the door. "I'm afraid Kyle needs to rest now, Mrs Broflovski. We're going to have to ask you and Ike to leave, if that's okay?"

"Yes." Sheila says, sighing and shaking Ike, who has been fast asleep next to Kyle for a good hour now, "Ike come on, we have to go."

Ike wakes up and Sheila collects her handbag from the coffee table. Just as she is about to leave she turns to Kyle for the final time tonight, "We'll be here first thing tomorrow morning, Bubby. I love you." And with that, she was gone. Leaving a completely bewildered Kyle to panic about what could have possibly happened in that car crash that could have affected Stan so much. Kyle eventually falls asleep thinking about Stan, and hoping that what ever has happened to him hasn't changed who he is as a person, he hopes it won't change what they had together.

* * *

When Kyle wakes up the next morning he quickly has to shield his eyes from the blinding morning sun that is shining it's way through the open window and landing onto a confused Kyle. It takes Kyle a second to remember where he is, and why. At first, he imagines that he is back home and waking up in his own bed as a sixteen year old. A boy whose life hasn't been turned onto it's head by an easily avoidable car crash. A boy who still has his boyfriend with him to share all of his secrets and fears with. Once Kyle realizes where he is, he thinks to himself if he'll ever see Stan again. But as soon as he removes his arm his eyes, he realizes that of course he will see Stan again. In fact, he's seeing Stan right now. Sat on the chair next to the bed, Stan is looking away into the distance, with a troubled yet familiar look on his face, maybe the Stan that Kyle knows and loves hasn't gone away after all.

"Stan?" Kyle asks, his voice is still a little raspy but it's getting better.

"It wasn't your fault." Stan says, still looking away into the distance, "I know that now. It was an accident. But I didn't see it that way before... that's why I couldn't visit you; I didn't know if I'd be able to stop myself from hurting you if I saw you after what had happened."

"Stan, what are you talking about?" Kyle asks, feeling scared for his safety at this point, the two boys have never even joked about hurting each other before, and now Stan can talk about it like it's as casual as anything else, "What happened to you when I was in that car crash?"

"Me?" Stan mutters, turning towards Kyle to face him, he has a sad look on his face, one that Kyle would find absolutely adorable if he wasn't so scared for his life right now. "Nothing happened to me, Kyle. But... someone else got hurt."

"What do you mean 'someone else got hurt', I was the only person in my car, Stan." Kyle says, his voice getting louder with each word.

"Yeah I know that, dude. But you're forgetting that you crashed into another fucking car. A car that had a real fucking person in it."

Kyle feels his stomach drop and his mouth begin to dry. He hadn't even considered the fact that someone else might have been hurt in the crash. He doesn't know if he could live with himself if someone was seriously injured because of his reckless driving.

"It's my fault." Stan says, putting his face into his hands, "I shouldn't have let you drive like that, my Dad had just broken your nose and I just let you drive away like the idiot that I am!"

"Stan..." Kyle asks, his voice shaking as he starts to cry, "who was in the other car?"

"And even if your nose was fine, there was still a snow storm outside!" Stan says, visibly shaking, as Kyle sits up in bed he is greeted with the unfriendly smell of liquor. "I let you drive away and now somebody is dead and it's all my fucking fault!"

"Stan, _please_... tell me who was in the car."

"It was my Mom!" Stan says, standing up off of the chair and looking down at Kyle, his face is red from all of the crying and he looks like he could kill, "My Mom was in the other car, Kyle. And now she's- and now she's- dead."

"What?" Kyle screams in disbelief, there's no way that this is happening, it must be some sick joke that Cartman has set-up, there is _no fucking way_ Kyle is responsible for the death of his boyfriend's Mother, "No-no that's not possible. She- she was at home! She came back with your Dad just before he walked in on us!"

"What?" Stan says, his anger being replaced with confusion, "No Kyle, my Dad walked back from the movies by himself, they'd just had an argument and-"

"No!" Kyle shouts, "No I'm- I'm sure that they arrived back home together, your- your Dad said so himself 'we're back from the movies' And- and after he hit the wall he went running downstairs shouting for your Mom, Stan! Why the fuck would he do that if he came back alone?!"

"No, Kyle." he says, sitting next to Kyle on the bed and putting a hand on Kyle's shoulder, "It's okay. The Doctor's mentioned that your memory might not be great right now but- but it's okay, I know it was an accident. I've had a lot of time to think this through and-"

"NO!" Kyle shouts, he is crying hysterically now, "No Stan, I'm not crazy, she- she came back with your Dad! Don't you remember?"

"Honestly, I don't know what I remember from that night, it's all one big mess." Stan says, pulling Kyle into a hug and stroking his hair as he talks, "but... my Dad told me afterwards that they'd had this big fight or something after the cinema and Dad got out of the car and walked. But let's just forget about that for now, Kyle. And don't for one second blame yourself for this... I mean- I don't blame you. It was just something fucked up thing that never should have happened and no one is to blame!"

"Stan!" Kyle cries into Stan's shoulder, "How can you be so calm about this? I killed your Mom!"

"No Kyle, no!" Stan says, "It wasn't your fault, okay? At first-yeah, I did blame you. Of course I did, I was angry. But it's been two years and now I can finally see everything clearly for what it is. And I don't blame you at all. I'm fucking happy dude. I mean you're awake and you're alive and you couldn't be more perfect!"

When Stan says this, Kyle lifts his head from Stan's shoulder and the two boys' eyes meet. Kyle can see the pain and acceptance written all over Stan's face, and maybe Stan can see that in Kyle, too. Kyle leans in towards Stan's lips. But when Stan sees this he backs away.

"No Kyle," Stan says, removing his hands from Kyle's shoulder and looking away, "things have changed. I told my Dad-" he hesitates, "I told my Dad that it was just a phase, you and me."

"What?!" Kyle asks, completely exhausted from this conversation.

"It's better this way. You saw how he acted when he thought I was gay-"

"You _are _gay, Stan. You told me you loved me for fucksake!"

"I know I did." Stan mumbles with a sigh, "and that was wrong of me to say. I'm with Wendy now, Kyle. It's better this way. I'm sorry."

Kyle doesn't know what to say. He wishes now that he never did wake from his coma. He wishes he could be in that state of limbo again when he didn't know that he was a murderer, and he didn't know that the love of his life has left him for the girl of every straight boy's dreams. Kyle opens his mouth to speak, when Stan's phone rings.

"I uh- I gotta get this." Stan says, standing up and pacing around the room when he answers the phone, a habit that he's had ever since he was young, "Hello?- oh hey Dad, I- what- no I'm just at the grocery store right now- huh- yes, Dad I'll bring the eggs. - I can't I'm, uh... seeing Wendy tonight- I gotta go- okay- okay- bye."

He puts the phone back into his pocket and looks back at Kyle apologetically. Kyle can only stare in response, he can't believe what he just heard. "You- you told your Dad that you're at the grocery store." Kyle says, completely heartbroken by all of this.

"Yeah, I did. Sorry about that it's just, he can't know that I've seen you. I've- I've gotta go, goodbye Kyle. I'll see you around."

And with that Stan leaves the room, leaving behind a distraught Kyle, who now must pick up the pieces of his life that have been thrown on to the floor and stomped on. These next few weeks are going to be hard.


	3. Graveyard Blues

**Author's Note: Hey guys, so I found myself struggling to write this chapter, not because I didn't know what to write about, but because I just couldn't stop procrastinating. I wrote a oneshot (which you guys should check out), I watched Honey Boo Boo, I did everything possible except write this chapter. So naturally I woke up at midnight and thought "This is it. I want to write this chapter." and I then spent the rest of the night typing it up, so I hope you guys enjoy! Special thanks to hollycomb, digimon, walwin and cortez30 who all reviewed my last chapters. (Be sure to leave a review for this chapter to get a shoutout) okay guys see you next time!**

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_Kyle's eyes open instantaneously, making his pupils quickly adjust to the blinding white light that is obscuring his view. Once his eyesight corrects itself, he is shocked to see that he isn't tucked into his usual rigid hospital bed, which admittedly would have been preferable compared to whatever rough and rocky surface he has found himself laid upon right now. It isn't until he sees a snowflake land perfectly on top of his nose does he realize that he is outside, in the middle of a tremendous snow storm. When he slowly moves his head right he sees that he is laid on a road that feels suspiciously familiar. He's not quite sure why, but the road is making him feel agitated and nervous. It's just a normal road, isn't it? That's when it hits him. He's been here before._

_He stands up, feeling every bone in his body protest to this sudden movement. He takes a moment to properly examine the location at which he's been placed. A blanket of thick fog has covered the region which, along with the harsh speed of the snow, is making it incredibly hard for Kyle to see anything at all. On one side of the road, Kyle can spot a mountainous landscape, with a bunch of trees in the foreground that appear to lead a pathway into the high mountains. He considers walking through these trees and away from the road that he dreads to be standing on, but reason tells him to stay put, that something significant is about to take place that he really wouldn't want to miss. On the other side of the road are a line of houses that Kyle instantly recognizes as South Park homes. He makes a quick sigh of relief, thinking that he is back home and safe._

_Just then the fog around Kyle grows thicker, making it harder and harder for Kyle to see anything at all. He now has to rely on his senses to guide him as he makes an attempt to walk towards the houses; to safety. As soon as he starts to walk forward, he hears sirens coming from behind him. They start off as silent -barely audible- but slowly they become louder and more intense, to the point where Kyle has to cover his ears with his hands in the hope that it will lesson the impact that the deafening noise is having on him. He turns towards the sound in an attempt to see whatever is coming, and within seconds of Kyle turning, an ambulance drives straight through the fog and towards him at a dangerously fast speed. The driver of the ambulance doesn't seem to realize that Kyle is stood feet away from it, as it continues to drive forward. Kyle knows that he has no time to run out of the way, so he prepares himself as much as possible for the pain that he is about to feel. But instead of the ambulance hitting him and knocking him off of his feet, it drives straight through him, like he's not even there... like he is a ghost. But he can't be a ghost. He's real, he's... still alive. Isn't he?_

_The ambulance stops moving about a hundred feet from where Kyle is standing. Almost immediately do the medics begin to run out of the vehicle and through the fog surrounding them, making there whereabouts unseen to Kyle. Curious as to why the medics have stopped in the middle of the road, Kyle runs into the fog ahead of the ambulance and towards their positions, intending to follow them. As soon as he has caught up with them, he realizes why they came in the first place... there has been a car crash, by the looks of it one car has driven head-on into another. Kyle quickly recognizes one of the wrecked cars as his own! It is an old and cheap Chevrolet that was given to Kyle as a gift for his sixteenth birthday by his Father. He runs up to the battered car, taking great care in avoiding the medics who are surrounding the other vehicle. When his reaches his ruined Chevrolet, he is relieved to see that nobody is inside of it. _

_"Good..." Kyle whispers to himself, "At least no one was hurt."_

_However, his relief is soon replaced with horror as he sees that the steering wheel and windshield are drenched in a repulsive red substance that Kyle identifies as blood. He begins to feel extremely emotional, grieving the loss of his piece-of-shit car that his Father worked so hard to pay for him. When Kyle decides that he's seen enough of his own car, he slowly walks across to the other side of the road and towards the other wrecked car. He doesn't even try to hide himself from the medics now, as he is completely convinced that he must be a ghost. He must have died right here, and that blood on the steering wheel must be his own blood. He's dead. _

_When Kyle is halfway towards the other car he hears two medics talking to each other, he stops in his tracks and decides to eavesdrop on their conversation. _

_"Poor woman, it must have been such an awful way to go." one medic tells his co-worker. "but I think we can take solace in knowing that it would have at least been quick for her."_

_"Yeah..." the other medic adds._

_"Something wrong, Trey?" _

_"No it's just..." Trey begins, "I think I went to school with this woman. I mean, her face is pretty messed up but I'm sure that it's her, Matt! Sharon Marsh... that's her name!"_

_Kyle feels sick to his stomach, falling to the ground and taking a moment to just sit there in the middle of the road while he takes in this news. _

_"No..." he says to himself, shaking his head in denial, "No she- she can't be- Sharon's not dead!"_

_He looks up in the direction of the wrecked car, and one glance confirms what the medic had been talking about... lying there with a vacant expression on her lifeless face is Sharon. Her eyes are wide open and she has dried-up blood running down the left side of her face. Kyle feels like he could puke, but when he leans over on his side and starts to gag, nothing leaves his mouth but the jaded puffs of air that the cold temperature has caused. The fog slowly begins to cover all of the medics, leaving only Kyle and Sharon in view. Kyle slowly stands on his feet and walks towards the corpse of his boyfriend's Mother. When he reaches the car he takes a moment to stop and look at her properly. He's only ever seen a dead person in the movies, and he planned to keep it that way until he was dead himself. There is something incredibly disturbing about the neutral look on her face. Kyle would have expected her to have a face showing pure fear like they do in the movies, but this is so lifelike, so realistic._

_"I'm so sorry that this has happened to you." Kyle whispers to Sharon, as he reaches over and delicately closes her eyes, "I'll look after Stan, I swear."_

_Just as Kyle turns to walk away he hears snickering behind him. Shocked and confused, he quickly turns around, but no one is there besides Sharon, whose body is still trapped inside of the wreckage._

_"Hello?!" Kyle shouts, trying to make himself sound as intimidating as possible to little success. "If someone's out there come out and face me, you pussy!"_

_He jumps when he hears snickering again, coming from inside of the smashed car. He reluctantly walks over to the wreckage, shaking slightly as he peaks through the back windows, checking the backseats of the car for intruders. Nothing. He then moves over to the front of the car and stares at Sharon sadly, examining her face for any further injuries and stopping when he sees something in her ear that resembles an earpiece. He reaches his hand up to touch it, and at that moment the supposedly dead Sharon breaks into a fit of laughter. Kyle screams and runs backwards._

_"I'm sorry," Sharon says, wiping tears from her eyes as she laughs even harder, "I can't do this shit, did you see the look on the little faggot's face?"_

_"Mrs Marsh?!" Kyle asks hysterically, "What the fuck is going?"_

_Sharon gets out of the wrecked car with ease, and slowly begins to walk towards Kyle, "What the fuck is going on, what the fuck is going on?" she repeats Kyle in a mocking fashion. She still has dried blood on her face, which is smudged slightly from the tears of laughter moments ago. "I'll look after Stan, I swear" she mocks again, "you're so pathetic, Broflovski."_

_"Okay Sharon, I think we've scared the Jew enough for today" a familiar voice from behind Kyle shouts._

_As Kyle turns around he is stunned to see Cartman sat in what looks like a director's chair. He is carrying a megaphone in one hand and a walkie-talkie in the other._

_"Eric?" Kyle asks with a shaky voice, "What the hell are you doing here?"_

_"Isn't it obvious, Jew?" Cartman asks, standing up, towering over Kyle, "this is called revenge."_

_"Revenge?!" Kyle repeats skeptically, "what the hell have I done, exactly?"_

_"You were born." Cartman says casually, "And you've been plaguing our lives with your existence ever since."_

_"But..." Kyle asks with tears running down his face, he turns to Sharon, "but why would you be in on this, too?"_

_"Because..." Sharon shouts as she shoves Kyle onto the ground, "You've ruined my sons life!"_

_"Stan?!" Kyle asks hysterically, "What's- what's wrong with Stan?"_

_"Oh, you don't remember do you?" Sharon demands, "you killed him, he's dead. That's what's wrong with him you scum!"_

_"No..." Kyle shouts in return, shaking his head as he gets back up onto his feet and begins to run away from Sharon and Cartman, who are both in complete fits of laughter, "Stan!" he shouts as he runs through the thickening fog towards Stan's house, the snowstorm is getting worse as he gets closer to his destination, "Stan-"_

_His shouting comes to a halt when he runs into two people, causing him to fall to the ground again. When he looks up he sees Stan and Wendy standing there in each others arms, kissing passionately amid the chaos. Kyle jumps back to his feet and tries to get Stan's attention._

_"Stan, I thought you were dead!" he shouts with relief, but they both carry on kissing like Kyle isn't even there. "Stan?" he asks quietly, and he screams in horror when he sees that Stan is in fact dead and that Wendy is making out with his rotting corpse. "No, Stan- Let go of him- let go of him, you monster!" Kyle shouts pushing Wendy away from his boyfriend's lifeless body._

_"Kyle!" Wendy shouts, like she is concerned for him, she runs up to him and shakes him by the shoulders, looking straight into his eyes, "Wake, up Kyle. Wake up!"_

"Wake up, Kyle." Clara says, giving a sleeping Kyle a quick and gentle shake, "Today's the big day!"

Kyle groans in annoyance and informs Clara as politely as possible that he'll be ready in five minutes. Today is the day that he's allowed to go home, though he's secretly been dreading it. Being back home means that Kyle has no excuse not to go back to school, where he will eventually bump into Stan, who hasn't visited Kyle at all in the three days since he told Kyle about Sharon's demise. Kyle takes a moment in bed to think about the horrific dream that he has just woken up from. He's been having this dream every night since he woke up from the coma, and they keep getting more and more vivid each time. He has actually considered asking Clara for advice on how to deal with these kind of stressful dreams, but he guessed that he was probably over-exaggerating, and that the dreams would probably pass once Kyle has gotten over the initial shock of it all. Besides, Clara would probably recommend that he take some medication to battle the stress, which Kyle does not want at all. He's spent the last two years of his life being out of sync with the outside world, he doesn't want to lose who he is as a person again by being all medicated and loopy.

Kyle's family arrive to collect him an hour later. He had packed up and prepared everything in advance: his Get Well Soon cards, his clothes, and his toiletries... everything imaginable has been packed! The only thing that he hasn't prepared for his journey home was his sanity. He hasn't confided with anyone about this, but he has some fears and reservations about facing the outside world. He's missed two years of life outside of these hospital walls, so much could have happened. He feels like a caveman who has been found frozen in a block of ice thousands of years into the future. And what about when he faces all of his old friends? Will they have changed? Will they want to know all of the gruesome details involving the crash? Kyle isn't so sure that he's ready to face that just yet.

"Okay, looks like we're all set to go." Sheila says as Gerald takes Kyle's bags. Sheila turns to Clara, "Thank you so much for the hard work and dedication you've put towards helping my son, Dr Mephesto. Without you, I'm sure that we all would have fallen apart!"

"Oh..." Clara says with a shaky voice, wiping her eyes with some tissues. She is doing a terrible job at hiding the fact that she's crying, "that means the world to me Mrs Broflovski, and I'm so honored to have been given the chance to work with your son."

Sheila and Gerald leave the room and head towards the lobby of the hospital, where Ike is sat reading a book on micro-physics, giving Kyle and Clara some time on their own to say their goodbyes.

"So..." Kyle says after a few seconds of awkward silence. Clara is crying more openly now than she was when the others were here. She's probably scared of appearing unprofessional in front of Sheila. Honestly, Kyle can't blame her. "Hey, listen Clara. I just want to thank you-"

"Oh Kyle, you really don't need to!" Clara says.

"Yeah, but like- I do." Kyle insists, "I know I haven't known you for that long but you've been the only person that I can actually talk to like a normal person since I've woken up, and I appreciate that more than you could ever imagine. I know it sounds stupid but... you've kind of been like the big sister I never had to me."

Apparently, that last sentence pulled on Clara's heart strings, because as soon as Kyle said it she quickly jumped onto Kyle, hugging him tighter than he thought was actually possible. Kyle fidgets awkwardly for a few seconds, wondering if this pushes the boundaries of doctor/patient relationships, but eventually he decides to hug back, knowing that no harm could ever come from this. Although he had found her to be a bit pretentious at first, she really has been a blessing in disguise, being the only person in the ward that Kyle could feel comfortable enough with to be himself around.

When Kyle has said his goodbyes he heads down to the lobby to meet his family and begin their trip home. Kyle is enjoying the sensation of being able to walk for the first time in two years a lot more than he thought he would, and by the time he gets to the lobby he's practically skipping. Kyle looks up and down the large room until he finds his family. Ike and Gerald are stood near the entrance of the hospital, talking about something that looks pretty heavy -Gerald is probably advising the twelve year old on future career prospects- and Sheila is over at reception signing some hospital discharge forms. Kyle walks over to her and greets her with a smile when she looks up from the papers.

"So that was weird..." Kyle says casually, "You know with Clara- uh, Dr Mephesto getting all emotional and stuff."

"Oi..." Sheila sighs as she scribbles her signature on the forms, "She's certainly a very expressive woman but the thing that you have to remember Kyle is that she's worked with you nearly twelve hours a day for the past two years of her life. I know it doesn't feel like that to you but it does to us, trust me."

Hearing this makes Kyle feel incredibly guilty, which is ridiculous. It's not like he had any say in the matter about being put into a coma for two years. It's not like he purposely decided to drive his Chevrolet straight into the car of his boyfriend's Mother. But these things happen. Nonetheless, Kyle still feels guilty. And he will probably continue to feel guilty about this for many days to come. He needs some air, and fast.

"I think I'm going to walk home." Kyle tells his Mother.

"What- what- WHAT?!" Sheila asks.

"I know it seems crazy but I feel like the fact that I'm walking right now is sort of a miracle, and I want to make the most of it. But you guys can drive back I don't mind, I need some time to myself anyway."

"Well..." Sheila says, showing her thinking face, "okay. But promise me you'll be careful, bubby? And you've got your mobile phone so you can call me if there is any trouble!"

"Ah Mah, you know I will." Kyle says, "I'm going to go get a head-start now, maybe I'll even get there before you do!" And after explaining his plan to walk with his Father he leaves through the Hospital's entrance, hoping to never step a foot in that horrible place again until he dies as an old man, sat in his rocking chair and reminiscing about his younger days.

When Kyle steps outside, he feels overwhelmed by all of the simple parts of life that he hasn't experienced in two years, the stuff that he took for granted before: the way the cool breeze feels on his skin, the sound of snow crunching as you step on it, the sound of engines running as the cars drive past, travelling to some unknown destination. When Kyle thinks about getting inside of a car again he gets an uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach. Suddenly very pleased with himself that he decided to take the long route and walk. He wouldn't say that he's been put off of riding in a car ever again because of the crash, but now he certainly feels a lot more aware of the dangers of driving.

As he begins his ten minute walk from the hospital to his house, Kyle thinks about Stan. It must have been a horrible period in Stan's life that started on that fateful day two years ago, he would have had to deal with losing his Mother and potentially losing his boyfriend alone. Randy certainly wouldn't have helped his child get through a loss that big after what he saw Stan doing to Kyle. Kyle knows for sure that he himself wouldn't have been able to deal with a loss that devastating, a pain that runs so deeply in the back of your mind that it could drive you insane. And who knows, maybe Stan hasn't dealt with it very well at all. Kyle remembers distinctively smelling liquor on Stan's breath the night that Kyle woke up. Kyle stops in his tracks, remembering Stan's struggles with alcoholism when he was younger. Kyle thinks back to the night many years ago when he found Stan passed out, laid in his own puke, an empty bottle of vodka by his side. Kyle had to spend the whole night cleaning up the mess that his best friend had left, and then he had to clean Stan himself, who was distraught and ashamed of himself for letting his problem get this far. Regardless, he let Kyle bathe him and clean his home. This was before Stan and Kyle were even a couple, they have always been comfortable around each other, to the point where one could strip naked and get into the bathtub while the other cleaned him. Kyle also remembers the pride and the new wave of confidence that Stan carried with him after he had gone a whole year without touching the bottle, it would break Kyle's heart if Stan had relapsed. But Stan has Wendy now. Of course he's fine.

When Kyle is halfway through his walk home he is somewhat thrilled yet equally as nervous when he sees Kenny and Butters walking in front of him. Even though they aren't holding hands, Kyle can tell that there is something different about them. Something special. It's just the way that they walk closer to each other than necessary, or the way they are walking in sync even though Kenny's walking pace is usually a lot faster than Butters'. After taking a deep breath, Kyle runs up towards them and taps them both on the shoulder, eagerly awaiting their responses.

They both turn around together looking somewhat annoyed, probably expecting Kyle to be some salesman looking to get a cheap gig out of two easily impressionable boys. Although they both seem surprised to see Kyle stood there looking at them with a big, cheesy grin on his face, Butters' reaction is a lot more drastic, and honestly... a lot more humorous than Kenny's.

"Oh hamburgers!" Butters shouts, pointing at Kyle, "Kyle's come back from the- uh from the dead! I'm real sorry Kyle, I didn't mean to harm you or nothin' when you were alive, honest! Please don't haunt me, my Dad will, ah- he'll ground me if he knew I was being haunted! Have mercy!"

"Butters, relax. Kyle isn't a zombie or a ghost, he was never dead in the first place, remember?" Kenny asks his boyfriend, rubbing his shoulders in an attempt to calm him down, which seems to work. "Now, let's see what we've got here." Kenny says in a much more authoritative tone, walking over so that he is facing Kyle. "Broflovski."

"McCormick." Kyle says in a deadpan tone to match Kenny's.

"You're looking well." Kenny says.

"As are you." replies Kyle. Butters is standing, watching the two in the background, rubbing his knuckles together in the awkward way he used to do when he was a child whenever he felt uncomfortable.

"Well..." Kenny says, "just because you were in a coma doesn't mean I have to hug first, because I'm not going to."

"Fine, then I won't hug first either."

"Fine."

The two then playfully look away from each other, pretending to be mad at each other even though they are both obviously very pleased to see one another again. After a few seconds, Kyle is the first to break into a fit of laughter as always. Kenny sees that he has won this battle and then joins Kyle in the laughter.

"C'mere, man." Kenny says, opening his arms for his friend. Kyle accepts Kenny's hug, laughing into his friends shoulder at how happy he feels to finally be reunited with his friend after so long. You would think that Kyle had grown sick of all of the tight hugs and tearful reunions, but honestly it just makes him feel so loved. So important. So wanted. Which is something Kyle can honestly say he's never felt before, unless you count all the times when he was alone with Stan. "How have you been?"

"Oh, you know..." Kyle says, releasing himself from the man-hug, "Comatose. You?"

"Oh, you know..." Kenny says in a playfully mocking tone, "Stotchatose." he says, looking over at Butters who is blushing slightly, smiling after just watching his boyfriend and his friend meet for the first time in two years.

"Yeah, I heard about that." Kyle adds.

"You heard?" Kenny asks with curiosity, "from who? Was it the nurse who walked in on us fooling around in the toilet-stall that one time when we came to visit you?"

"Okay- first of all, gross. That is disgusting. But I'm glad that you visited me, thanks for that." Kyle says with a giggle, "And secondly no, my Mom saw you both holding hands or something while you were walking down a street. Needless to say she almost collapsed with shock."

"I can imagine." Kenny says with laughter, he is then silent for a moment, as if he is contemplating whether to ask the question that Kyle had been anticipating since he saw the two. "So..." Kenny begins, sounding rather serious, "have you seen Stan since you woke up?"

"Yeah..." Kyle says with a sigh, "he, uh- he visited me the night I woke up, actually."

"And?"

Kyle doesn't know how to reply to that, he can feel tears forming in his eyes and he has to mentally stop himself from breaking down infront of Butters. He shrugs his shoulders in response to Kenny, who Kyle knows can understand just from that one simple movement that things didn't exactly go well.

"I see." Kenny says, shaking his head, "you two will sort things out, you always do."

"I'm not so sure about that..." Kyle says, "he didn't even seem mad at me for killing his Mom, that's the thing-"

"Shit, Kyle." Kenny says, hugging Kyle again when Kyle breaks into tears, covering his face with his hands to protect whatever dignity he still has left. Kenny won't try to tell Kyle that he didn't kill Stan's Mom, because he knows it's pointless. Kyle is a stubborn person who will argue just for the sake of arguing, which is part of the reason why Kenny became such good friends with him, he loves his attitude.

"No- I'm okay, I'm okay." Kyle says, pushing Kenny off of him gently, then wiping his eyes with his winter coat. "I just- I don't know. How- how has Stan been? Since I've been gone?"

"Well... he was quiet for a long time." Kenny says, "It's like he just sort of- gave up on life. Like he was just going through the motions of life without even realizing what was happening. Even while he was with Wendy he didn't seem to care about what was going on. If you ask me, he went to her because she was an easy backup plan for him, she was the person who would take him back and hold him when he didn't have you to turn to."

Hearing this makes Kyle blush furiously, and he quickly looks away when he sees that Butters is looking at him with curiosity. He doesn't know why he still has to hide his feelings for Stan. Pretty much everyone in South Park has known since they were kids that Kyle loves Stan. And he always will.

"I've been uh- having this dreams." Kyle says, feeling like he needs to talk about those night terrors with someone, and if he can trust anybody, he can trust Kenny. He may not have had the best childhood, and he may not have had the same luxuries as the other boys in class. But Kenny is definitely experienced, and he knows what he is talking about a lot of the time, even if he pretends that he doesn't. "I've been having these dreams where I'm at the car crash, like, I'm walking around it and everything, and in every dream, I always see Sharon in her car, looking all bloody and dead and- sometimes she's actually alive and just pranking me, but other times she's actually dead. And these dreams just keep getting worse and worse and I- I don't know what to do about it."

Kenny thinks about this for a moment, taking in to account all of the information that Kyle has just given him. But he can't think of a single thing to say, how do you help someone get over the fact that they're somewhat responsible for another person's death? Kenny looks to Butters for help, was has been stood beside Kenny, quietly listening to the two teens as they talked about their problems. Butters thinks for a while before coming up with a solution.

"Did you try visiting her grave?" Butters asks in his usual innocent tone.

"No, I'm, uh..., I'm not sure if I can yet-" Kyle says.

"I only asked because, I uh, had this rabbit called Mr Squibbles when I was ten, and uh- this one time my parents grounded me for not cleaning the house when they told me to and they didn't let me feed Mr Squibbles for a whole week. And he died. And I got to feeling real upset about it. But then, when I wasn't grounded no more... I went and visited the little grave that Dad had dug up for Mr- Mr Squibbles, and I told him how sorry I was that I couldn't feed him for that week... and then I didn't feel so bad no more. I mean, yeah it still hurt a lot but it was like, I felt relieved, you know? Like a- like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders."

Kyle, along with Kenny is speechless at what Butters has just revealed to the two. Butters is just stood there, happily swinging his arms like he hasn't got a care in the world. Kyle feels bad for always underestimating Butters, despite what Kenny has been through, Butters is the one who had the toughest time growing up. Not only was he forced by his parents to work around the house until his hands were red and raw, but he also had to deal with years of bullying from his old classmates who -including Kyle- had no idea what kind of life Butters was leading. It was all just a game to the boys who would push Butters over and steal any lunch money that he had on him. Yet Butters still got up and wiped his knees, still smiling even after everything he'd been through. Butters has something which Kyle wishes he could have; the drive to move on even through the toughest of times.

"That's..." Kyle begins, "actually not a bad idea. Thanks Butters."

"Gee, Kyle. Whatcha thanking me for?" Butters asks, a genuine look of confusion is spread across his face.

"Because you're amazing," Kenny answers for Kyle, taking Butters into his arms and swinging him around, before lightly kissing him. Kyle feels something scrape across his heart which he can only describe as jealousy. Jealous that his two friends share something so sacred when he's got nothing. Still, he's happy for Kenny. Pleased that he's found someone that he actually deserves and not someone who would just use Kenny for sexual favors like before. Admittedly, Kyle was worried for his friend at the time. Worried that one day Kyle would wake up to the news that Kenny had been murdered by some psychopath that he would go and meet. But in the end, Kenny's done good for himself. Kyle thinks it would have broken him if he woke up from the coma to find that something had happened to either one of his friends, but so far everything seems as normal as it was when he left. Or at least, as normal as South Park will ever be.

"Well I should go" Kyle says, "my Mom will probably start a search team if I don't go back soon. It was great seeing you guys."

"Okay man, see you later- oh wait Kyle!" Kenny shouts, as if he has just remembered something vitally important to tell Kyle, "Clyde's having a party tomorrow, you should come. I think everyone will be pleased to see you."

"I'll think about it, see you two later."

When Kyle gets home he is extremely relieved to see that Sheila hasn't arranged some kind of surprise party for him. He thinks he has had enough attention for one day, and he slowly walks upstairs towards his bedroom after telling him Mother that he is back and in one piece. When he walks through his bedroom he is genuinely shocked yet touched to see that everything is pretty much the way he left it, he had expected Sheila to have turned it into a guest room already. But the Einstein poster is still intact, the pile of uncompleted homework that was set two years ago are still stacked up on Kyle desk, even his bed sheets are unmade, just as he left them. Kyle moves over to sit down onto his bed for the first time in years, feeling particularly nostalgic about this bed. It's the bed that Kyle lost his virginity in. Kyle has very fond memories about that night, although it was awkward and sweaty, it was absolutely perfect. Kyle wouldn't change anything about that night for the world. Stan had been so gentle with him, treating him like a delicate flower, only starting to move when Kyle was sure that he was ready, and throughout the whole thing they shared an intimate kind of eye contact. It was the most connected Kyle had ever felt to anyone before, and it's probably the most connected he'll ever feel towards anyone ever again. Kyle would sleep on this bed now, if he didn't have such a fear that he would have the dream again.

He thinks about what Butters had said to him earlier, about Mr Squibbles and visiting his grave. Maybe Kyle should visit Sharon's grave, a visit is probably long overdue anyway. And he feels like he owes it not only to Sharon but to himself also to put these dreams to rest once and for all. He gets up off of the bed and quickly hurries outside of the house, not wanting his Mother to know where he plans to go. He needs to do this alone if he's ever going to truly move on. He just hopes that Stan isn't there, he can't deal with the awkward conversations just yet.

Kyle arrives at the South Park Cemetery in five minutes, and he hesitates before walking through the giant, rusty metal gates of the graveyard. It is lightly snowing and Kyle has to pull out his green ushanka from his pocket and put it onto his head to protect himself from the cold. The snow is dampening the mud, making it harder for Kyle to walk through the long lines of gravestones as he tries desperately to find Sharon's. He eventually does find the gravestone, however. It is placed next to an old apple tree that looks old and fragile, like the lightest climb would cause the tree to collapse. The gravestone reads in bold letters:

**IN LOVING MEMORY OF SHARON MARSH**

**LOVING MOTHER AND WIFE.**

**1972 - 2012**

Kyle can only stare at the gravestone in disbelief. Even now, even after seeing the grief in Stan's eyes and after the seeing exhaustion in his Mother's eyes does this whole situation still feel bizarre and unreal. There is so much evidence telling Kyle that he is responsible for Sharon's death, yet there is that little glimmer of hope that tells him otherwise. Despite Stan's best efforts to put Kyle's theory to rest, Kyle does remember Randy shouting for Sharon after he had hit Stan's wall. You wouldn't do that unless you came home with the woman. But Kyle quickly gets rid of these negative thoughts, deeming them as inappropriate given his current location. He kneels down and pats the gravestone sympathetically, wishing that he had brought flowers or something to show his respects to the diseased. He stands back up again and clears his throat.

"Uh... hi, Mrs Marsh." Kyle says, not quiet sure whether he's supposed to pay his respects out loud or say them in his thoughts, he decides to go with the first option, "or I guess I should say Sharon, seeing as I can remember when you'd always moan at me every time I saw you if I ever called you Mrs Marsh." Kyle smiles sadly at this memory, "You said I was like family to you, and family call each other by their names." he can feel tears forming in his eyes again for what must be the hundredth time since he has woken up, "I guess I came here firstly to tell you how sorry I am, I know that you wouldn't be mad at me for this- I know that. But- you wouldn't be mad at me right?" Kyle asks, not expecting an answer, "I mean it was an accident, you know that, right?" Again, no reply. "I just wish that there were a way for me to swap places with you. So that I'd be dead and you'd be the one in the coma for two years." he says, "No- actually no that was a horrible thing for me to say, what I mean was I wish that you were never put into this situation in the first place. If I hadn't gotten into my car after the fight I had with your husband then you wouldn't be dead right now and Stan's life wouldn't be completely fucked and everyone would be so fucking happy." he stops speaking, wiping his tears and collecting his thoughts for a second, "sorry for the language. I know you used to hate it whenever we swore. And you know, I didn't just come here to apologize, I came to tell you something that I've never told anyone before and that is-" he stops, trying to stop himself from having a complete breakdown, "And that is-" he stops again, "and that is that you were like a second Mom to me, and I loved you and I just wish you'd come back. Please, please come back... you know, I had this dream last night that you were dead in your car but then you wasn't and it was all a trick just to get back at me. And I really, really wish that dream was real right now. Even the parts where you were mad at me, because I deserve it. I'm a terrible, terrible person for what I've done to your family and I deserve every bad fucking thing that I get!" Kyle is now completely crying over the gravestone, making no attempt now to stop because he knows that he is unable to.

"What the fuck is this?" a familiar voice asks from behind Kyle. For a second Kyle almost believes that his dream has come true, that behind him is going to be Sharon who has tricked him into thinking that she is dead. But when Kyle does turn around he is horrified to see Randy stood there, carrying a bunch of flowers. He looks a lot older than Kyle remembers, and he is using a walking stick to balance his weight on. When Randy sees Kyle staring at his walking stick, he scoffs, "you see this?" he says, throwing the walking stick in Kyle's face before quickly putting it back onto the ground to support his weight, "I got this just after Sharon died, when I heard that she was gone I kicked my TV screen until I couldn't feel my leg anymore. It busted my leg up pretty bad, so now I have to use this. Forever. What do you think of that?"

Kyle doesn't know what to say, the walking stick only adds to Randy's intimidating presence, and he considers running away. But that would just prove to Randy that Kyle is a coward who was never right for his son. He can't let Randy win.

"Well?" Randy asks, Kyle says nothing. "What about Sharon? Do you have anything to say to her? You know, the woman you killed?"

"I- I apologized to her." Kyle mutters.

"You apologized to her?" Randy screams, "well that's just great isn't it? You apologized to her, fucking brilliant. And what did she say?"

"I don't think-"

"What did she say, faggot?" Randy demands.

"Nothing." Kyle shouts.

"Nothing?" Randy repeats, when Kyle nods he shows a sinister smile, "Well let's see what Sharon has to say now", and with that Randy falls onto Kyle, pushing him down onto the cold, wet dirt. Kyle tries to scream but he can't. He won't let Randy win. Randy drags Kyle by the hair and pushes his face into the dirt just under Sharon's headstone, rubbing his face in it. Kyle tries to scurry away but Randy lifts his head up and then pushes it down into the dirt more violently. "Can you see how sorry he is now, Sharon?" Randy screams to nothing. "This is what you are, faggot. You're dirt. No, you're worse than that, you're nothing. And you always will be." he then lets go of Kyle's hair and uses his walking stick to get back onto his feet, "Now you stay there in the dirt where you belong, faggot. And if I see you move before I've gone, I'll kill you." So Kyle stays there, even after Randy has gone Kyle stays, the snowstorm freezing his face but he doesn't care. He's going to stay laid in this dirt where he belongs. Not a single tear fell from Kyle's eyes during that struggle. He won. He won.


	4. Butterfly

**Author's Note: hey guys! I can only apologize for the delay with this update, I've had a lot of things going on college-wise that just had to come first. I also have some things coming up this next couple of weeks or so which means I will be very busy. I'll try to update every weekend but if I miss it don't worry, I won't forget the story and I will update eventually! What inspired me the most to write this chapter was the lovely reviews I've been getting for both this story and my oneshot appropriately entitled 'One Shot to Make a Oneshot' which got a lot better reviews than I expected. Thank you so much to DatLittleStar and cortez30 who both reviewed my last chapter for this story. Also, yay for longer chapters! I feel like I'm starting to find my feet with this story, but as it is only my first story I'd love to know what you guys think of it, negative or positive feedback is always appreciated! Okay thanks guys, hope you enjoy this chapter... all I can say is enjoy the happiness while it lasts *evil laughs* :-)**

* * *

"Are you dead?"

Kyle gives a sudden jerk of his head, turning towards the person that has awoken him from his not-quite-asleep but not-quite-awake state. He must have been laid on top of the dirt above Sharon's grave for at least twelve hours. How else would you explain the pale moonlight that is giving this mysterious figure a black silhouette? Once Kyle's vision has adjusted to this sudden darkness that he has found himself surrounded in, he sees Craig Tucker standing very clearly above him, looking particularly unconcerned about the fact that he may have just stumbled upon the dead body of his former class mate.

"Well..." Craig asks in his deep and monotonous voice.

"Well what?" Kyle asks, slowly sitting up to wipe the dirt and snow from his clothes, it must have stopped snowing a few hours ago, as when Kyle quickly gazes up at the sky he sees nothing among the darkness but the moon and stars.

"Are you dead?" Craig repeats, showing a lack of interest or emotion. Kyle scoffs and takes Craig's hand to help him up when it is offered. Although Kyle is conscious of the fact that he may be heavy to lift up, Craig seems unphased. In fact, he's grown considerably since Kyle last saw him. His physique has some tone and admittedly it suits him. Kyle never thought that Craig's delicate and defenseless appearance ever matched his cold and cynical personality anyway.

"If I were dead..." Kyle begins, "Would I be talking to you right now?"

"No." Craig replies.

"Then I'm not dead."

"Oh." Craig says, silent for a few seconds, looking like he is questioning the authenticity of Kyle's logic, "Good."

"What are you doing here so late anyway?" Kyle asks, looking down at Sharon's grave. There is a light dent smudged in the surface of the dirt from where Kyle had been laid, but apart from that it's still intact. Well, as intact as the grave of your boyfriend's Mother will ever appear.

"I could ask you the same thing." Craig says.

"Oh I was-" Kyle begins before his speech comes to a halt. There are many reasons as to why Kyle probably shouldn't mention the Randy incident to anybody, but the main reason in Kyle's mind is that it would just be so degrading for people to know that he was taken down by a middle-aged man with only one working leg. "I just came to visit Sharon's grave... pay my respects, you know?" Kyle asks, "I must have passed out or something... I guess my brain is still getting used to the fact that it's active for the first time in two years."

"Oh yeah, you were in a coma." Craig states the obvious.

"Yeah." Kyle says.

"But why is your face so fucked up?" Craig asks casually, "I mean, no offense."

"It is?" Kyle asks, showing a slight panic in his eyes. He winces when he brings his left hand to his cheek, tracing over a large cut that has been marked on his skin. Kyle plays his panic off with a laugh, "I guess I must have hit the ground pretty hard."

"Uh-huh."

An uncomfortably long and awkward silence fills the atmosphere shared by the two boys as they both look down onto Sharon's grave. Kyle thinks about the events that led to this... why did Randy just attack him unprovoked like that? Surely he couldn't still be so mad about what he saw Stan and Kyle doing, could he? Or maybe he blames Kyle for his wife's death. It would make sense. Kyle remembers Stan saying that it took him a while to realize that it really was just a freak accident. Maybe Randy hasn't realized this yet. Maybe he thinks Kyle did it on purpose. Randy's voice echoes in the corner of Kyle's mind...

_"Can you see how sorry he is now, Sharon?"_

One thing Kyle knows for sure about this whole incident is that he's never been more proud of himself in his life for not retaliating. Or more importantly... not crying. If he cried in the presence of Randy it would just show him that he won. Randy would go home with a huge grin on his face, knowing that he made the boy who took his son's virginity weep. But this way Randy doesn't have that privilege. Now Randy can only go home and think about the disrespect that he caused to Sharon's grave, all in vain. Yes, Kyle won this battle. But he has a feeling that the war has only just begun.

"So..." Craig says, interrupting Kyle's inner conflict and making him jump slightly in shock, "it sucks how you killed Stan's Mom, huh?"

"Yeah..." Kyle agrees, and he appreciates Craig's honesty. He is the first person Kyle has seen since he woke up that is accepting the fact that even though the crash really was just a freak accident, Kyle still had some part to play in the demise of Sharon Marsh. Although maybe not a part as intentional as Randy might be assuming. "But..." Kyle begins, "It's not like I did it on purpose or anything. People know that, right?"

"Duh..." Craig says, like what Kyle had just asked was the most obvious question that anybody has ever made, "Why would you purposely kill your boyfriend's Mom?"

Kyle swears in that second that his heart stopped beating. Did Craig just say what Kyle thinks he just said? No... no he can't have. How could Craig know? As far as Kyle could tell neither Randy nor Stan has told anybody about the secret love shared by the boys. So how could this be happening? Craig notices the shock spread across Kyle's face and he rolls his eyes in response.

"Relax..." Craig says to little effect, "You think nobody noticed the way you and Stan used to look at each other?" When Kyle doesn't reply, Craig continues. "Well I did. Hell, you two looked at each other the same way I used to look at-" he stops.

"The way you used to look at..." Kyle repeats, speaking for the first time since the bombshell, "...Clyde?" Craig looks away from Kyle and into the distance, telling Kyle all that he needs to know. Craig is in love with Clyde. Of course he is. Kyle has suspected this since they were children. The way Craig would flick off anyone but Clyde. The way Craig would secretly beat up anybody who had hurt Clyde's feelings. But both Craig and Kyle knew deep inside that Clyde didn't return the love that Craig wore so obviously on his sleeve. Clyde loves Bebe. Always has, always will. Love sucks sometimes.

"So..." Kyle says, ready to change the subject entirely. Kyle knows from past experiences that bringing up something as delicate as an unshared love can feel like being constantly reminder about the dagger that is stuck in your heart. "You didn't tell me... why exactly are you here?"

"Oh." Craig says, giving Kyle a slight nod to show his appreciation for the change in subject, then he looks back at the grave. "I guess I came for the same reason as you did... to pay my condolences to a second Mom."

"What?" Kyle asks in disbelief, before realizing that Craig doesn't mean that he came to visit Sharon. He came to visit Betsy Donovan, Clyde's Mother. Kyle sighs as he remembers the day that she died, all those years ago. Clyde was only a child, and he took it pretty hard. But Kyle never considered the fact that it might have affected Craig too. Does Craig really share the same feelings for Betsy that Kyle had for Sharon? Did he really see her as a second Mother?

"I can't believe it's been 8 years already." Kyle states, not knowing what else to add to this conversation.

"Yeah well, you missed 2 of those years." Craig replies coldly, "So I guess for you it doesn't feel as long ago as it does for the rest of us."

"Craig-"

"Don't." Craig snaps, "Look, I know it's not your fault that your driving sucks ass-"

"Hey-"

"But just because it happened doesn't mean I should feel sorry for you. Because I don't okay?" Kyle doesn't reply, he doesn't know how. So he just stands there open-mouthed, wondering what he said to make this whole situation go so wrong. Craig continues, "You know, I would give anything- anything to have been able to skip these past two years. Stan has been an absolute fucking mess. The whole town had to recover from losing one of our most respected women-"

"You think I don't know that?!" Kyle shouts, his voice echoing in the dark and lonely cemetery, "You think I don't know how much I've fucked up? You think- you think I don't wake up everyday wishing that I could be the one who died and not Sharon? Because I do. And that's something I've got to live with-"

"Yep, let's make this all about Kyle!" Craig declares sarcastically, dramatically waving his hands like he is performing in a theater, "Poor little Kyle bumped his head and slept for a while, and now he thinks he knows what it's like to hurt. Well you know what, Broflovski? You don't know shit." And with that Craig flicks Kyle off, before stomping away towards the entrance, leaving a bewildered Kyle stood at the foot of Sharon's grave.

* * *

Kyle then spends a good half an hour slowly making his way home from the Cemetery, through the streets of South Park and back to the Broflovski Residence, where he sees all the lights of the house switched on, dramatically lighting the otherwise dark and gritty street like a glistening raindrop atop a black rose. Kyle sighs, he does not want to walk through those doors, not as he is right now. Not while he's feeling so down and hopeless; Sheila will only make him feel worse when he sees the pain and worry in her eyes that are a result of him not coming home until past midnight, just days after waking up from a coma. He decides to walk around the back of the house and climb through his bedroom window, which against Kyle's wishes is always left unlocked,_ "When there is an unexpected fire you'll thank me, Bubby!" _Sheila's voice echoes through Kyle's mind.

Once Kyle is through the window he silently makes his way over to the bed, trying to avoid standing on all of the spots on the floor that hauntingly creak when stepped on. The moment he crashes onto his childhood bed -clothed and all- he breaks down into tears. Trying to be quiet is pointless now as Kyle clings to his pillow like he would to Stan's chest. Imagining the way Stan would lovingly wrap his arms around Kyle and let Kyle soak his bare skin with tears, while Stan's free hand would stroke Kyle's red hair. How did everything go so wrong for Kyle? What did he do to deserve all of this? Kyle quickly stops crying, looking up at his ceiling and thinking about his earlier encounter with Craig. Maybe Craig was right. Maybe Kyle is just feeling sorry for himself. He's not the person who lost a Mom, a boyfriend, and a best friend all at the same time. He's not the person who has lost all feeling in one of his legs. He's not the person who is currently six feet under.

"Kyle?" Sheila asks, knocking on the bedroom door for the first time since Kyle can remember. Being in a coma really has changed the family more than Kyle could have ever imagined. "Kyle, Bubby. Is that you?"

"It's me, Mah." Kyle announces, sniffing as he wipes his tears away with his sleeve, "You can come in."

The door quickly opens and Sheila stomps into Kyle's bedroom looking absolutely furious. "And where have you been young man? Your Father and I have been worried sick! We almost called the police and-" Sheila stops once she sees her teenage son curled up on top of his bed sheets, looking worse than death. "Kyle... what on Earth happened to your face? Did somebody attack you? That's it, I'm calling the police-"

"No!" Kyle shouts, sitting up in his bed and looking pleadingly at his Mother, "No Mom, please! I'm okay. I went to see Mrs Marsh's grave and I tripped and hit my head. But I'm okay now. Just- just stay with me." Kyle says desperately, "please?"

"Oh Kyle!" Sheila yells, walking over to the bed and taking her son in her arms, "You must be more careful, Bubby! You've just woken up from a two year coma, don't take your body for granted!"

"I won't Mom." Kyle declares, "It won't happen again, I promise."

Sheila moves away from the hug and settles her hands on Kyle's shoulders, giving them a soft squeeze. Kyle can see Sheila examining his face with curiosity. She brings her hand over to the large cut on Kyle's cheek and then puts her hand back onto his shoulder when she notices him wince at the contact.

"And you're sure you just fell over?" She asks doubtfully.

"I'm sure, Mom." Kyle replies.

"Kyle, if someone tried to attack you and you're covering up for them I will find out-"

"Mom, stop." Kyle insists, "Nobody tried to attack me. Who would? I'm just Kyle, not some most-wanted criminal."

"Well... okay, Bubby." Sheila says with a sigh of defeat, "oh you poor thing, you must be starving! I'll fix you up a sandwich and then it's straight to bed, Mister!"

"Yes Ma'am." Kyle says.

Once Sheila has left the room he quickly changes into his Terrance and Phillip pajamas, before tucking himself into his bed and checking his phone. He sees that somebody has sent him one new message since he last checked. He clicks on it and is surprised to see that it is from Kenny:

_hey man wats up? listen u still up for clydes tmrow? i think u should go every1 will be so happy to see u_

Kyle can't help but smile at Kenny's complete lack of punctuation and grammar skills. Some things will never change. But does Kyle really want to face everyone tomorrow? Craig will be there no doubt, and maybe even Stan. And when there's a Stan there is always a Wendy. Kyle sighs as he types out his reply:

_Hey Kenny. Nothing much is up with me, yourself? And I'm not too sure about the party, dude. I feel like some people won't want me there._

He clicks send. Within a minute the phone vibrates and Kyle checks his phone again. Another message from Kenny:

_wat stop talking crazy brofloski, people will be so so happy to see you man,even stan! pls go, i'll get butters to drag u there if i hav to, and u know how aggressive he gets after a few shots ;)_

Kyle laughs at this response, remembering that one time when he was 15 when the boys got Butters drunk for the first time. Many things happened that night. Butters puked, declared his love for boys, and more importantly, he beat the living crap out of Cartman for calling him a fag. It was a victorious night that Cartman will never ever live down. Kyle reconsiders going to the party, maybe it will be nice to see everyone again. Even Cartman. Kyle makes a mental note to thank Cartman the next time Kyle sees him for sending the Get Well Soon card. He smiles as he sends his new message:

_Okay, Kenny. I'll go tomorrow, but only if you pick me up! And don't think that you'll be able to get me drunk this time, McCormick! I'm not allowed to drink. Doctor's orders. _

Kyle waits a minute and giggles to himself when the phone vibrates again. He checks it and isn't surprised to see yet another message from Kenny:

_done. u wont regret it i promise_

Kyle rests his phone on the small table next to his bed and he lays down on the bed, his hands either side of his slim figure. The sandwich can wait until the morning, he decides. Terror floods through Kyle's mind as he wonders whether he will experience the dream again; the one where he's at the scene of the car crash. Maybe visiting Sharon's grave will have helped... or maybe it will have made the dreams even worse. Regardless, Kyle slowly feels himself slip from consciousness as he enters the world of dreams.

* * *

Kyle wakes up with a quick jolt upwards and rapid breaths. He is completely drenched in sweat from head to toe. He had the dream again last night. Except this time it was more vivid and frightening than Kyle has experienced since he woke from the coma. In this variation of the dream, Kyle was in the same car as Sharon when it crashed, and he could see everything happen in slow motion; from the face hitting the steering wheel, to the smashed glass sliding across Sharon's throat and fatally wounding her. Kyle wished that he could help, but he couldn't move. He could only scream as Sharon's blood covered him, much like the puddle of sweat that he has woken up in. It all felt so real.

When Kyle looks around his room, searching for that bit of evidence to suggest that he is definitely awake, he sees something as equally stunning as it is surprising. Sitting on the small table next to his bed, atop of the sandwich that Sheila made for him the night before, lies a beautiful purple butterfly. Kyle recognizes the type of butterfly immediately from school; it's a Colorado Hairstreak Butterfly. But how did it get in here? Just then Kyle feels a soft draft brush against his arm, indicating that the window that he climbed through is still open. He spends a few moments simply staring at the insect. It doesn't look trapped, although quite clearly it didn't surround itself within these walls on purpose. So what is stopping it from leaving? Kyle moves from the bed and attempts to catch the butterfly, but just as he moves the insect flies gracefully around the room. Kyle cups his hands, but it never lands. Kyle then moves over to his window and opens it all the way, giving the butterfly access to the open space. Kyle knows that it's home is in the sky, and that it does not need to be stuck between the walls, yet still it stays.

"Weird..."Kyle mutters to himself. He decides to take this butterfly as a sign. He's never been superstitious but something about that butterfly that won't leave his room tells him that maybe things will brighten up for him now. Maybe now that Kyle has had the worst dream yet, it can only get better. Or maybe that's just a load of old horseshit and it's just some dumb insect that is too stupid to realize that there is a way out. Either way, Kyle get's dressed and prepares himself for the rest of the day.

* * *

The front door knocks, sending a shiver of nerves running up and down Kyle's spine. He is up in his bedroom anxiously getting ready for his first house party in two years. He secretly wishes to himself that he doesn't get asked too many questions about the coma tonight, or about the accident in general. He just wants to catch up with his friends and leave. And maybe, just maybe... Kyle will be able to get Stan alone and they can finally talk properly, not like how they were the morning after Kyle woke up from being comatose. This time they will be surrounded by a positive vibe of drunkenness and teenage hormones, as opposed to the morbid, grisly feeling of the hospital room, where the loudest noise heard was the beeping of the heart monitor. Kyle fails to imagine the occasion tonight going perfectly magical however, as he has a feeling deep down in his gut that Wendy will be there to unintentionally destroy any intimacy that the two boys could potentially share. The door knocks for a second time.

"Kyle Broflovski!" Sheila shouts from downstairs, "would you _please_ answer the door while I cook your brother some food?!"

"Coming, Mah." Kyle shouts back, he takes a deep breath and checks his appearance one last time in the mirror. With all things considered Kyle looks better than he has done in a very long time. His red hair is as unbeatable as ever, but mixed with a nice green shirt and some black skinny jeans the hair actually kind of suits him. Even the cuts on his face add to his rockstar image. Or rather... as "rockstar" as Kyle will ever be able to manage. He nods in approval at the mirror and heads out of the bedroom and downstairs, apprehensively awaiting the scolding that he will receive once his Mother finds out about his plans to go to a house party. Maybe she'll understand and be happy that Kyle is so quick to want to socialize with his friends after such a traumatic experience... or maybe not. Kyle quickly opens the front door to an already drunken Kenny and Butters.

"Well heyyy there, Ky- Kyle!" Butters shouts, his speech slurring somewhat as he goes to hug Kyle. Kyle pushes him back as politely as he can manage. Butters simply hiccups and giggles in response.

"Guys, just give me one second!" Kyle whispers, holding up his left index finger to emphasize the second.

"W-what's goin' on, Kyyle-" Kenny begins, leaning on Butters for stability. But before he can finish his sentence Kyle closes the door on the two boys and heads towards the kitchen, where he finds his Mother chopping carrots. She turns her head towards his direction and smiles when she sees how smart her son looks.

"Oh goodness!" Sheila shouts, "Bubby, you look precious! What's the occasion?"

"I'm uh..." Kyle begins, scratching the back of his head awkwardly as he tries to arrange the correct words in his head to use, "I'm going to a party tonight. Clyde's having a little get together and I thought... why not, you know? I mean, it will be nice to see everyone again and-"

"And will there be liquor at this party?" Sheila asks accusingly, her eyes never leaving the chopping board as she cuts through the vegetables with her sharp kitchen knife.

"Well- uh... yeah I guess there will be." Kyle says, "but it's not like I'll be drinking or anything. I know the Doctor said that I'm not allowed to. I just want to say hi to everyone... that's all."

"Well..." Sheila says, considering this for a moment before sighing, "Usually I'd say no... but I guess you do deserve some fun, my little Bubby has been through so much! Oh what the heck, you can go. But I want you back home by midnight at the latest and if I smell even the slightest hint of alcohol on you then you'll be grounded until you're 40, young man!"

"Okay!" Kyle says excitedly, he runs over to hug his Mother, "thanks Mom, you're the best."

"Well... I do try." Sheila says, patting her son on his back. "Now for goodness sake, go and have some fun! You deserve it."

Kyle then quickly leaves the kitchen and heads towards the front door, greeting his drunken friends for a second time tonight as he leaves the house and closes the door gently behind him. A feeling hits Kyle in the stomach like a tornado that can only ever be described as pre-party nerves.

"So..." Kyle says after spending a good 5 minutes watching Kenny and Butters stumble down the street, "how much have you two had to drink already?"

"Ohhh Kyyyle, always the worrier" Kenny says, stopping to tap Kyle on the head, "you know mee, I likes to- to start early, huh Butters?"

"Ye-yeah, you sure do, Ken- Kennyyy" Butters says as he stares straight ahead onto the open road, swaying slightly.

"How many people are going to be there?" Kyle asks, feeling nervous about the fact that he'll be seeing everyone again within the next ten minutes.

"Only- only the people that you know, Kyleee" Butters says enthusiastically, "It's your party, after all!"

"Huh?" Kyle asks in a confused tone.

"Butterrrrs!" Kenny mouths, dramatically covering his mouth with his hand to show his shock, "you- you ruined the surprise for Kyleee!"

Butters stops walking and gasps, copying Kenny as he covers his hands with his mouth also. "Oh hamburgers, you're right Kennyyy!" he wails, "I've- I've ruined everythinggg! It was gonna be a big surprise, and you all said to me 'don't ru-ruin this for Kyle, Buttersss', but then I- I go and ruin it anyhow-"

"You guys have planned a surprise party?" Kyle asks, feeling particularly touched by this. "For me?"

"Well we _did_" Butters says bitterly, "Until I went and- and spoiled it."

"Don't worry, Butters." Kyle insists reassuringly, "I'll just act surprised when we get there."

"But it won't be the sameee!" Butters complains, stomping his foot on the round and folding his arms to his chest like a five year old having a temper-tantrum, "You were supposed to-to be surprised for real, Kyyleee."

"Buttersss, it's okayy" Kenny states, squeezing his boyfriend's shoulders, "I'm not- not mad. And neither is Kyle, right Kyylee?"

"Right." Kyle says, "Hey look, there's the house!"

The three boys approach the strangely silent house. Kyle secretly feels sick to his stomach as they grow closer and closer to the front door of the relatively small house. That is, small for a group of drunken teenagers who will no doubt trash the house, although really it's just as big as any other house in South Park. Kyle wonders to himself whether they have the right address as they stop at the door, while Kenny makes an effort to knock whilst intoxicated, the house feels too quiet. That's when it hits him. If they all really planned a surprise party for Kyle, they're probably waiting for him to walk in so they can yell 'Surprise!' at him and shower him with the love that Kyle will sheepishly accept. Kyle almost wishes that Butters didn't tell him about this, he would have enjoyed the concept of a surprise party a lot more had it actually been a surprise, at least then he could experience this all completely oblivious and unaware of the events to come.

"Huh," Kenny says dramatically as he scratches his head, "I guess- I guess we must be the first people hereee", he's probably already forgotten the fact that Kyle now knows that it's a surprise party. Kenny turns the door knob and slowly pushes it open, revealing a pitch black living room. "After you, Kylee." Kyle takes a deep breath, before stepping into the house and awaiting the-

**"SURPRISE!"**

The lights of the living room turn on within a second of Kyle entering the room, revealing in front of him a group of highly intoxicated teenagers that Kyle instantly remembers as his old school friends. He sees everyone: from an uncomfortable looking Tweek, to a plastered Cartman, and Kyle almost feels himself welling up when he sees Stan stood near the back of the crowd, clapping and cheering along with everyone else at Kyle's entrance. And even better, there is no Wendy in sight! Maybe today won't be so bad after all.

Kyle tries his best to act surprised, to the point where he jumps back a little, pretending to be in shock. He even adds the occasional "Whose idea was this?" and "Kenny, was this you?" just to make it seem all the more genuine. And everyone believes him, laughing along as their childhood friend takes in the atmosphere. There is a huge banner with the words _'WELCOME BACK, KYLE!'_ written across it on the living room wall, with a badly drawn penis vandalized on the corner of the banner -probably Cartman's handiwork- and near the corner of the room there is a table of party snacks and cups. Butters and Kenny mingle with the crowd as they all move into their own groups, as they probably were before Kyle showed up.

"Welcome back, buddy!" Clyde shouts over the crowd as he walks over to Kyle and awkwardly man-hugs him, offering him a can of Coors Light.

"Thanks, dude." Kyle calls, shaking his head apologetically when he sees the can, "sorry but no can do, Doctor's orders!"

"Oh come on, Broflovski!" Clyde demands, he sounds a little bit drunk himself, but not nearly as paralytic as Kenny and Butters are, although Kyle suspects that the couple may have smoked a little weed before they showed up at his door, it certainly wouldn't be a first for Kenny. "You're in my house, bro. I'd be offended if you didn't accept my alcohol!"

"I really can't sorry." Kyle replies, trying to sound as gutted about the fact that he can't drink as possible. In all honesty, he hates the stuff. And he will only ever drink it when he's surrounded by his friends, at least now he has an excuse not to drink. "Hey, is Craig here?"

"Craig?" Clyde asks, looking like he's trying to remember who Craig is, "OH- Craig! Yeah- sorry, uh... he told me he can't make it, something's come up. Why, was it important?"

"No..." Kyle mutters with a sigh, "No I guess not."

"KYLE!" Kyle cringes as he hears a high-pitched voice yell from behind him that he instantly recognizes as Bebe's. She runs around him and practically forces herself onto him, giving him an extremely tight hug. She's clearly very drunk herself. She always was a lightweight. Once she has pulled back from the hug she settles her arm over Clyde for stability. "It's been, like... _forever _since I last saw you, Kyleee! What have you been up to? Why haven't I seen you in so long? Don't you- don't you like mee?"

"Urm..." Kyle mumbles, scratching his head.

"Babe," Clyde says, looking over to his girlfriend, "Kyle was in a coma, remember?"

"A coma?!" Bebe repeats, gasping in shock as she jumps back onto Kyle again to give him another terrifyingly tight hug, "Ohhhh myyyy God, Kyle! Are you- are you okayyyy?"

"Yeah, Bebe." Kyle states, "Yeah I'm fine now. Uh- thanks for asking. Hey listen guys I'm gonna go find Stan. Thanks for the party, Clyde."

"Don't mention it, bro. Anytime." Clyde says, raising his can of Coors Light to Kyle as he turns to Bebe and grabs her ass with a soft moan. Kyle blushes furiously as he quickly turns around and searches the room for Stan. After passing a few people who he just about recognizes, who each come up to him and drunkenly tell him how pleased they are that he's okay, he eventually bumps into Cartman. The two share a few seconds of eye contact before they both quickly turn away and scan anywhere around the room that isn't each other.

"So uh-" Cartman begins, clearing his throat as he awkwardly looks back at Kyle, "pretty gay party, huh?"

"Yeah..." Kyle reluctantly agrees, "but I can appreciate the gesture, I guess. I mean it's nice that everyone went to such an effort to make me feel welcome."

"Uh-huh." Cartman mutters.

A long and painful silence then follows as the two boys struggle to think of what to say. Kyle had been dreading seeing Cartman again for many reasons. Mainly because he'd been such a prominent and evil part of his recurring dream, this had somehow led Kyle to come to the conclusion that Cartman is just as evil in real life. Or even worse. But that's ridiculous, Cartman may be an annoying asshole, but he's still just a relatively normal teenager like everyone else in this room.

"Hey listen," Kyle begins, trying to meet Cartman's eyes again, "thanks for sending that Get Well Card, it was-" he hesitates, before faking his biggest smile and continuing, "it was _really_ nice of you."

"Get Well Card?" Cartman repeats with a confused look on his face, "Oh- OH. That. I think I sent that a few days after your crappy driving put you in a coma."

"But still..." Kyle says with gritted teeth, "You didn't have to send me one at all, so thanks."

"Don't mention it..." Cartman says silently, before adding with an awkward and almost questionable laugh, "...Jew." Kyle breathes a sigh of relief, at least Kyle being in a coma hasn't stopped the mutual hatred shared by the boys. He doesn't think he'd ever be able to handle a world where Cartman is nice to him.

"Well, I'm gonna go find Stan." Kyle adds, "Enjoy the party... fat-ass." just as he goes to move away Cartman gently grabs him by his arm, pulling him back. Just as Kyle is about to scream in protest he sees the sadness in Cartman's eyes.

"Look..." Cartman begins, "I'm pretty bad at this sentimental shit okay? So just- try to understand that this is a pretty fucking hard thing for me to say. But I've- missed you. And... I'm glad that you're okay."

Kyle doesn't know what to say. Suddenly he feels guilty for ever assuming even in his dreams that Cartman is some mortal enemy of his. Sure, they've never gotten along swimmingly, but somehow during the years of constant bickering they have actually developed something close to friendship.

"I've..." Kyle begins, before sighing, "I've missed you too, Eric." The two quickly smile at each other before looking away again. Another awkward silence fills the air as they look into the drunken crowd of people.

"Breathe a word of that conversation to anyone and I'll murder you in your sleep, Jew." Cartman warns.

Kyle scoffs in response, before turning back to Cartman and saying, "Like I'd want anyone to know that I've talked to you anyway, fat-ass!" They smile at each other one last time before Kyle walks away from his childhood friend in the hope of finding Stan.

When Kyle does find Stan alone in the backyard, sat on a hammock at the back of the garden, Kyle goes to turn back around and into the house, suddenly feeling extremely shy and nervous. But his better judgement tells him to go and face his responsibilities. He owes it to himself and Stan to at least try to talk to him. Stan hasn't noticed him yet. He's simply sipping from his bottle and dreamily looking up at the cloudless night sky. Seeing a bottle in Stan's hand makes Kyle's heart drop as he assumes the worst. This must surely mean that Stan has relapsed. That all of those hours spent scrubbing a sick-covered Stan was all for nothing. But no... Kyle tells himself to calm down, that it's perfectly normal to drink at a house party. He approaches the hammock and stops in his tracks as he is stood behind it, coughing to gain Stan's attention. Stan turns around and looks ecstatic to see Kyle again.

"KYLEEE!" he shouts, standing up and wrapping his arms around Kyle in a loving embrace. Kyle smiles into Stan's shoulders and hugs the other boy back just as hard as he is getting hugged. Drunk or not... this hug feels genuine. It feels real. "I'm so pleased to- to see you again, dude!"

"I'm pleased to see you too, Stan." Kyle whispers, feeling his voice turn raspy as he tries not to cry. "You have no idea how pleased I am right now."

"Hey listen!" Stan says, pulling back only a little bit and keeping his hands on Kyle's shoulders. The two boys are so close that Kyle can feel Stan's breath on his nose. "I am so sorry about how I acted the other day! I was a complete douche, and I promiseee it will never ever ever happen again, okayyy?"

"Stan you really don't have to apologize-"

"Yes I do, Kyleee!" Stan insists, slurring in a drunken manor that is absolutely adorable to watch, "because you're my favorite person in the world and I love you! And I shouldn't have treat my favorite person in the world in such a shitty way!"

"Favorite person in the world?" Kyle repeats, "Shouldn't that title belong to Wendy now?"

This comment seems to upset Stan, and he removes his hands from his shoulders. Kyle instantly regrets saying anything as he sees the upset in Stan's eyes, but this upset soon turns to excitement as he smiles at Kyle, before grabbing his hand and saying "forget about all of that sh-shit! Come and sit on this awesome hammockkk, Kyle. It's got- it's got magical sitting powers!"

"Magical sitting powers?" Kyle mocks, feeling particularly flirty as he raises his eyebrows at Stan.

"Hey- don't doubt the magical sitting powers until-until you'veee sat on... on it." and with that Stan pulls Kyle by the hand onto the hammock where they both sit down and look up at the stars, hands still intertwined. Kyle has missed the hand holding. There has always been something so intimate about hand holding. It's like, while they're locked like this they almost become one being. It's like the hand holding unifies them and they become a whole person, unlike the half people that they were before they shared this kind of contact. Kyle daringly rests his head on Stan's shoulder while they look up. Instead of pulling back, Stan rests his head on Kyle's and sighs.

"What are you thinking about?" Kyle asks in a hushed tone, just like when they were kids and they would whisper to each other so no one else would know their secrets.

"Just... everything" Stan says, "Heyyyy, you remember- you remember when we decided to become a thing? Like, a secret thing?"

"Yeah..." Kyle replies, nodding as he smiles at the memory.

* * *

_It was four years ago when they got together, the two boys were both fourteen. Stan had broken up with Wendy for the fifteenth time that year, but he actually seemed unphased by it, which surprised Kyle a lot. Usually after a break-up, Stan would be a complete and utter mess. He'd spend his time locked up in his room and listening to depressing songs about the one that got away. But this time he actually seemed okay. More than okay, actually, he seemed electric. Kyle decided to investigate by walking over to the Marsh Residence and interrogating Stan on the matter at hand. When Kyle reached the door he knocked and awaited a response. Sharon opened the door with a friendly smile._

_"Kyle!" she beamed, "you know you don't have to knock, just walk in! You practically live here anyway."_

_"Sorry Mrs Marsh-" he begins._

_"How many times do I have to say it Kyle?" Sharon asks as she shakes her head, "you may call me Sharon!"_

_"Oh, uh- Sorry, Sharon." Kyle declared, "Is Stan home?"_

_"He's up in his room, as always. You can go up and see him if you want. I'll be in the kitchen if you boys need me." Sharon declared as she stepped out of the way, giving Kyle access into her home._

_"Thanks Mrs Marsh- I mean Sharon." Kyle said as he ran up the stairs and over to Stan's room. Kyle has never felt the need to knock before entering Stan's room before, he's never had to, they never kept any secrets from each other. But for the first time in his life Kyle wished he had knocked when he entered Stan's room to see him laid naked on his bed, touching himself to a photo that Kyle recognized as a one of the two boys together from the previous summer, arm-in-arm and smiling happily at the camera._

_"KYLE!" Stan shouted in horror as he quickly grabbed his bed sheets to cover his pride._

_"Shit, Stan! I am so sorry!" Kyle shouted as he quickly left the room and closed the door behind him. Kyle ran home that day without even saying goodbye to neither Stan nor Sharon. However, as soon as he got back home he instantly regretted leaving in the first place. Admittedly, he could have handled that situation a lot better. So what if he walked in on his best friend jerking it? Everyone does it! But what baffled Kyle the most was the fact that he seemed to be- ahem, pleasing himself to a photo of the two best friends together. Was Stan gay? No, he couldn't be. This was Stan we're talking about! The most masculine boy in class. He couldn't be gay... could he? The idea somewhat excited Kyle for reasons that he didn't quite understand. Kyle had always considered his sexuality to be something of a mystery. He's never really been attracted to any girls or boys. Except maybe... Stan. That was when it hit Kyle. He's gay. But he's not gay for any old dick that comes walking through the door, he's gay for Stan. Not just his dick, but his soul. He needed to make sure that this feeling was mutual. It was, wasn't it?_

_Kyle decided to put this question to the test the next day before school started. He decided to wait for Stan outside of his house and demand answers. He waited outside for nearly half an hour, before growing impatient and storming into the house and marching upstairs. Just before he walked into Stan's room he decided to do something he'd never done in his whole entire life... and knock._

_"Stan?" he said as he knocked, "can I come in?"_

_No answer. Kyle decided against instinct to walk in anyway. And he felt kind of disappointed to find that he hasn't walked in on Stan in a vulnerable position again. Instead, he's walked in on Stan wrapped under his covers, shielding his face from the outside world. Kyle thought that he must have been asleep then, until he heard sniffing, and what sounded like crying._

_"Stan?" Kyle whispers as he walked lightly towards his best friend's bed._

_"Go away." Stan said, trying to sound as cold and distant as possible._

_"Stan, come on." Kyle pleaded as he tried to pull the covers from Stan's face. But Stan clung on to his covers and refused to come out._

_"I said go away!" he shouted._

_"You know, we're going to be late for school." Kyle added matter-of-factually._

_"Like I give a shit." Stan replied._

_"Stan you're being ridiculous!" Kyle says, quickly getting tired of this whole situation. "Either you come out from under the covers or I'm coming in!"_

_No reply._

_"That's it. I'm coming in" Kyle declares, and with that he quickly lifted the covers up, giving Stan no time to pull them back down again, and he crawled under the covers and laid next to an obviously upset and crying Stan. "Oh Stan!" Kyle whispered as he wrapped his arms around Stan and squeezed him as hard as possible, like Stan is a sponge and only with great squeezing can Kyle get rid of all of the nastiness. "Stan, I don't care that you're gay!"_

_"I'm not gay!" Stan shouted as he clung to Kyle, sobbing. "I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'M NOT GAY!"_

_"Okay..." Kyle says, trying a new tactic. "You're not gay. Trust me I know how you feel. You're not gay because you're not attracted to any other guys. Except this one guy that you do feel attracted to, right?"_

_Stan sniffed as he looked up at his friend in the darkness, "Right... how did you-"_

_"But you don't want to tell this guy because you're afraid of the impact that it'll have on the friendship, correct?"_

_"Yeah- correct. But how do you know all of this?"_

_"I know because..." Kyle started, taking a deep breath before saying, "Because I feel that way too, Stan."_

_Stan is quiet for a moment, which makes Kyle panic. What if Kyle was completely wrong about this whole situation? What if Stan's not actually gay at all? Kyle wasn't sure that he could handle such a rejection. But just as he opened his mouth to ask whether Stan felt the same way, he felt Stan's warm and wet lips brush against his own lips. Two things happened that day. Kyle had his first kiss. And Kyle and Stan realized that they were meant for each other. But no one else could no, not yet anyway._

* * *

That was four years ago, and now here Kyle and Stan are sat on a hammock, reminiscing about the old days while Stan is intoxicated. Kyle sighs after thinking about that precious memory of his and Stan's first kiss. Stan notices Kyle's sigh and he gives his shoulders a squeeze.

"What's-what's wrong, Kyleee?" Stan asks sounding particularly worried, like what Kyle is about to say is as serious as the death of a martyr.

"It's just..." Kyle begins, as he lifts his head from Stan's shoulder and looks into his eyes. "I miss us, Stan. I know that you're with Wendy now and that you think that it's best for everyone if it remains that way but I'm not sure that I can deal with it. I miss us _so much_."

"I..." Stan begins, sounding sober for the first time tonight, "I miss us too, Kyle. But things are too complicated now-"

"Why are they?" Kyle asks, tears forming in his eyes as he feels himself becoming more and more desperate for Stan with every passing second, "Please, Stan. I need you. I don't care how but I need you. We can- we can be a secret-"

"Kyle-"

"I won't tell anyone, not even Kenny!"

"Kyle, stop-"

"I love you, Stan." Kyle declares, "And I know you still love me too."

The two boys stay silent for a while, simply staring at each other. Despite whatever outcome that may unfold from this declaration of love, Kyle feels like a giant weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Stan knows now that Kyle wants- no, _needs_ him back. And that's enough for Kyle to be satisfied with, or at least that's what Kyle is telling himself. Kyle is about to speak when Stan moves forward and kisses Kyle. Kyle feels like he is floating on air, high up in the clouds as the kiss gets more and more deep and passionate, until Stan finally pulls back and looks at Kyle again.

"We..." Stan begins, "We can't tell anyone."

"That's fine with me." Kyle agrees as he moves forward for another kiss, but Stan backs away slightly.

"Promise me, Kyle." he says seriously. "Promise you won't tell anyone."

"I promise, Stan. You know me I won't tell anybody, I swear it." Kyle states, feeling slightly offended at Stan's lack of trust. But these feelings soon evaporate when Stan leans forward and quickly pecks Kyle on the lips.

"Okay..." Stan says, seemingly satisfied now.

"So where do we go from here?" Kyle asks, he doesn't really care where this goes, as long as whatever happens they still end up together.

"I guess now we need a reason to see each other all the time, otherwise- you know... it might look suspicious." Stan says, contemplating this for a second, "And my Dad and Wendy can't know under any circumstances, they'd flip their shit!"

"Where is Wendy, anyway?" Kyle asks, it had been bugging him for a while now that Wendy could just pop up out of the blue and ruin Stan and Kyle's moment, but so far there has been no sight of her.

"Oh she's not feeling great, she thinks she's got the flu or something," Stan says.

"And yet you still came just to see me?" Kyle says teasingly, when Stan simply nods with a guilty yet somehow innocent smile, Kyle tuts and shakes his head, "well shame on you, Stanley Marsh."

"Well... I had to see you." Stan admits, "I've missed you. So. Fucking. Much."

"You know, you've sobered up remarkably well." Kyle notices, but just as he says this Stan leans forward and spews all over the backyard. "...or not."

"I don't feel so good." Stan moans as he leans over, holding his stomach in pain.

"I can tell, come on." Kyle says, standing up and wrapping Stan's arm over his shoulder, "I'll walk you home."

* * *

It takes five minutes for Kyle to say his goodbyes to everyone. But it was pointless anyway, as practically everyone at that party was either too drunk or too stoned to care that the person the party was for was leaving. When Kyle finally leaves the house he is relieved to feel the coldness on his skin again, the house was unbelievably hot, which was a result of all of the heated sexual encounters that were happening in the living room. Kyle still has Stan's arm wrapped around his shoulder and he feels like he could be like this forever. Walking Stan home in the dead of night, with no one else around to annoy them.

"So..." Kyle begins, "While you were throwing up I was thinking about how we could see each other."

"Go on." Stan says, he still sounds ill but his puking stopped five minutes ago.

"Well, I've been told that I'll be able to rejoin school in a month or so, but naturally I'll need to catch up on a lot of work that I've missed."

"Naturally. And..." Stan says, completely lost on how this could help them see each other more.

"And..." Kyle repeats, "I thought that maybe, you know... you could tutor me. It would be at my house, obviously, that way we won't be intruded by your Dad or Wendy!"

"That's... actually not a bad idea." Stan says, like he's surprised that the cleverest boy in his old class had come up with such a kick ass idea. "Sure, let's do it."

"Awesome, we can text in the morning or something, because I highly doubt that you'll be able to do the maths on how this could work right now."

"Too true, Kyle, too true." Stan agrees as they reach the Stan Residence. "Well, here I am."

"Here you are." Kyle says quietly, disappointed that this night has come to an end. "I'll uh... talk to you tomorrow."Kyle turns around to walk home, but just as he does Stan grabs him by the arm and pulls him into a quick yet meaningful kiss. The smell of puke on Stan's breath isn't exactly inviting, but Kyle's just grateful for any kind of contact with Stan right now.

"I'll see you around." Stan says with a wink, before walking over to his front door and drunkenly letting himself in.

* * *

It takes five minutes for Kyle to walk home, and by the time he's back home and back in bed he almost wishes that he could replay this night over and over again. But right now he's too tired, and all he can think about is sleep. That night... Kyle slept easily, without being haunted by the night of the crash. Maybe the butterfly was a good omen. Or maybe, just maybe... it was Stan.


End file.
